HE SAID: Sober nookie: fact or fiction?

Sober hookups are like pulling teeth without anesthetics. My drug of choice to make the process less painful is alcohol. Any kind, any amount… Anything that will make you not sober.

Now don’t get me wrong, sober hookups do exist. I’m sure they happen a lot on campus. But they cannot be as good or memorable as randomly hooking up while you are at a party enjoying yourself Fairfield style.

The sober hookup is drawn out; it takes effort. Nobody wants lovin’ that they need to work at; that’s classified as finding a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I don’t have the numbers in front of me, but guys think about sex once every three seconds. And I’m going to say that 98 percent of that time we are sober. Most of those thoughts occur when we say to ourselves “Damn, I bet she would be good in bed.”

So why can’t we just go over to that girl and ask her to go back to our room, even though it’s two in the afternoon? Awkwardness.

Sowing the seed of a hookup is not, and should not be a technical and painstaking process. However, some make it that way. You spend your days staring at that cute girl in class, or you spend your week coordinating your dinner schedule just to see her at the dining hall. All the time thoughts of “What if” and “Oh what I wouldn’t do” dance around in your head.

Here is my advice: Go to a party, get un-sober and then make a move. The initial drunk hookup is so easy. Honestly. You are at the beach, there is a keg, the music is blaring… It is the perfect setting to create a love-fest.

If you make that first move and she digs it, then you are golden. Buckle up for a night of action and debauchery. If it fails, then you can give the “Oh, well you know, I was drunk” speech. It is the perfect excuse.

However, everyone knows the two downfalls. How weird is that next meeting, whether its at the dining hall or in class the next day? What do you do, what do you say? And also, this school is so fricken small that word gets around. But guys, we are safe… Girls who hookup all the time have “loose morals,” but a guy that does is a hero.

The night before was worth it. I can guarantee that anyone reading this will be more than happy trading a night of drunken craziness with a few seconds of uncomfortable uncertainty. But man, it is especially bad when you realize that the beer goggles have disappeared. Yikes.