Disclaimer: The Coffee Break Team knows little to nothing about astrology and has not been certified by the Society of Astrologists to provide horoscopes.


If you’re thinking about taking a chance with those pants, don’t.


Taurus, your week is looking considerably good if you do take a chance with those pants. It will start a conversation that will blossom into a beautiful friendship. The stars also say that this friendship will end three years from now in a catastrophic event involving an ill-fated game of Spoons, but don’t worry about that right now.


That thing that you’ve been thinking about? You know, That Thing? It will happen this week. If it’s good, then yay! If it’s bad, remember that Cancers are always willing to give you a hug because they’re just like that.


Cancer, it’s your lucky week! You’ll meet your soulmate! Yes, that’s right. Every single Cancer on campus and on earth will meet their soulmate this week. Astrology is weird sometimes.



Leo, you won’t be meeting your soulmate anytime soon. You almost met them last week, but you walked right by them, so now it’ll be another 17 years. Hang in there.



Virgo? More like Vir-know! Your academic achievements will be on fire this week! You’ll learn and grow enough to make the other signs jealous. However, the week after this one, your academics will be on fire in that your grades will be up in flames. The universe must maintain balance, I guess.


It’s Libra season and we all can tell. Tone it down a little, will you, Libras? Just give the other signs a chance, for once. Pres Ball is coming up and the spotlight can’t only be on you.


Scorpio! For once your lively, outgoing, aggressive Scorpio mentality will do you some good at Pres Ball, at which everyone will adore you. Except not as much as they’ll adore the Libras. Does that ignite your jealous Scorpio spirit or what?


You’re solidly in the middle of the crowd this week, Sagittarius. Your week won’t be a disappointment like the Leos’, but it won’t be amazing like the Libras’. Look forward to seven days of mediocrity and boredom. You go, Sagittarius!


Your controlling, neat-freak traits will really bite you in the butt this week if you’re not careful.


If you could be a little less Aquarius this week, you’ll have a good one. But if you keep it up with that airy, flighty attitude, your week is bound to be about as bad as all of your previous ones have been. It’s a tough life, Aquarius. It’s not you; it’s your personality.


Oh, Pisces. Keep being you and your week will be just as average as you are.

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-- News Editor Emeritus -- English Creative Writing

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