Photo Illustration: Peter Caty/The Mirror
Tension leads to anger and hurtful words. Cursing leads to an outward fight that turns physical. Next, he goes to punch you but hits the wall instead. You’re lucky. This time.
You cry.’
He becomes remorseful and buys you flowers. Then the tension builds again and this time the punch hits you, not the wall.
This is the vicious cycle that 30 percent of the nation’s college students experience due to involvement in abusive relationships, according to Dr. Elise Harrison, assistant director of the counseling services at Fairfield University.
Chris Brown and Rihanna
When the celebrity singing couple, Chris Brown, famous for his hit song ‘Forever’ and Rihanna, famous for her hit song, ‘Disturbia,’ did not show up at the Grammy Awards this year, fans were skeptical.
Word got out and so did the horrifying pictures of Rihanna’s unrecognizable face. However, after the curses, punching, bruises and choking, Rihanna did not want a stay-away order for Brown, according to the March 23, 2009 edition of People Magazine. She has chosen to forgive her alleged abuser and wants to drop the two felony charges against suspect Chris Brown.
‘I hope that young adults who see publicity about Chris Brown and Rihanna are upset to hear that she returned to the relationship and that it is raising awareness and conversation about the issue of relationship abuse,’ said Harrison.
A survey was recently conducted by the Boston Public Health Commission concerning teen dating violence. Out of the 200 teenagers questioned, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for what happened, as stated in The New York Times.
Todd Pelazza, director of Public Safety at Fairfield University, emphasized the need for more readily available literature regarding abusive relationships, so that teens would not have this type of reaction to such incidents.
‘The more educated that people are on any particular topic involving assault, then the more empowered they are in recognizing the sings and are able to take action to get out of it,’ said Pelazza.
The Blame Game
But many times the abused victims are willing to forgive the abuser and feel that the situation is their own fault.
‘Many people who are involved in abusive relationships blame themselves and have a lot of shame about their relationship,’ said Harrison.’
This shame, along with the problems that young people encounter in relationships, comes from many struggles that college students tend to experience.
‘Most college students are struggling with important transitional life decisions ‘- careers, independence, sex, values, intimacy and commitment ‘ said psychology professor Rona Preli. ‘Often they struggle with issues of distance and time having to commit time to studies interferes with seeing each other and being able to nurture and sustain relationships.’
In a survey taken at Fairfield University, of ten undergraduate students ‘- five males and five females ‘- six out of the ten students confirmed that they knew of someone involved in an abusive relationship ‘- verbal or physical ‘- in college.
Whether a person is involved in such a relationship or is aware of one,
‘There are many stigmas attached to abuse in young adult relationships,’ Pelazza said. ‘Many of the abused feel like the abusive cycle will be broken.’ They think that things are going to change for the better.’
Progressive Abuse
Situations rarely change for the better. Abusive relationships are progressive, so once there has been abuse the likelihood of another episode is high. In a survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship, as stated in a Bureau of Justice Special Report on Intimate Partner Violence in May 2000.
‘Love doesn’t hurt. If he hits you once, he’ll hit you again,’ Oprah Winfrey said on the March 9, 2009 episode of her daily talk show when discussing the Chris Brown and Rihanna scandal.
Hitting, punching and strangling are only a few examples of physical abuse. There are many warning signs and one of the major most obvious ones, especially among young adults, is the excessive consumption of alcohol.
Ninety-five percent of cases of abuse in relationships involve alcohol. Alcohol gives the abuser a temporary self-esteem boost and leads to more conflict and violence. When alcohol is involved, ‘the victim may feel that they are unsure of the details of the sexual assault. They may feel that they are partially at fault because they were intoxicated,’ said Harrison.
Luckily, help is readily available for young adults right on their college campus.
‘Last year 19.8 percent of undergraduate students at Fairfield University utilized the Counseling and Psychological Services compared to the national average of 11 percent,’ Harrison said.
Knowing the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship is key as well as the ability to detect the warning signs of abuse. Since abuse is an issue of ‘control and power,’ Pelazza said, if the situation is controlled during the early stages of verbal abuse, the chances of physical abuse reaching its peak are much lower.
‘The more educated people are on any particular topic involving assault, the more empowered they are in recognizing the signs and are able to take action to get out of it. My strongest recommendation is, if you are in one, try to get out as soon as possible,’ said Pelazza.
In the Jeanne Clery Crime Report of 2008 for Fairfield University, there was one reported incident of forcible sexual offense and five reported incidents of aggravated assault.’
‘Statistically, studies throughout the country state that the crime is under reported,’ said Pelazza. ‘This is why it is important that students are aware that help in available and that reporting an incident is OK.’
Abuse in young adult relationships exists. ‘Tell someone, do not keep your concerns a secret,” said Harrison. ‘Meet with a counselor to develop strategies for leaving the relationship and to deal with feelings about the relationship. Abusive relationships may be difficult to end.’
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