She said: Freshmen welcomed, with a little competition

I didn’t want to curb Chuck’s enthusiasm for writing on the topic of freshmen, or, as I have been corrected “first year” students, because rarely have I see a greater response of vivacious emotion towards one particular topic. For me, however, the topic of freshmen evokes the thought of a predictable behavioral pattern among 18-year-old girls and college guys which typically begins with flirtatious smiles and ends with awkward stares in Barone the following morning. Nevertheless, I am continually surprised that every fall the arrival of the freshmen brings out the most charitable natures of my male friends. Guys who I have not seen do any physical activity aside from lifting kegs all year suddenly flock to become freshman orientation leaders. They go so far as to stand out in all weather to catch the first glimmer of the freshman class as 6’4 protective fathers look on.

But I can’t say I share quite the same level of energy when referencing the new freshman class of guys. This is not to say that I don’t find some freshman guys attractive. In fact, in an unofficial survey, a.k.a countless “never-have-I-ever games,” college women do crush on younger guys and have admitted hooking up with them. I happen to think there are some younger guys that exhibit great potential. Characteristics such as sniffing clothes before putting them on or taking showers on a regular basis are great indicators that a guy might emerge from freshman year as dateable.

Perhaps one of the most evil behavioral patterns we college girls have is to turn against the freshman females. As a senior this year, I will point out that I do not foster any resentment or bitter hatred toward freshman girls. At this point I am very secure with the knowledge that our only potential guys lie in the senior class.

Therefore, if they want to cat-call to the parade of young freshman women, that’s cool, we’re used to it and we know they’ll be back. I do understand, though, that oftentimes the new shipment of blond, thin, beautiful, short-skirt-sporting freshman often pose a threat to some pre-established females who think they’ve finally located a decent group of guys. The only word of condolence I can give to these girls is that the “freshman fifteen” will hit, and when it does senior girls will be wanted again.