Boys. We can’t live with them and lord only knows we can’t live without them. Yet, despite their innate ability to absolutely make us melt when they pull up to our doorsteps with a bouquet of our favorite flowers “just because” we deserve it, so many things just piss me off. So here’s my list of the Top 10 Things that are Wrong with the “superior” sex (or so they think):
10. Lying. Please save it for people who are complete idiots, like your friends. We can see right through you.
9. Unnecessary Roughness. What is the point of railing some guy in the grill just because they say that your girlfriend is attractive? Be proud that other people see how lucky you are to have a beautiful girl by your side.
8. Learn to clean. Stale beer is possibly one of the most rancid smells that there is. Why would I sleep in your dirty, nasty house when you can see your reflection in my kitchen floor.
7. Binge Drinking. Yeah, ok, so its cool that you can put down 30 beers in an hour. But remember, the only thing that comes out of binge drinking besides not having beer for the next night is the “inability to perform.” Keep that in mind. Don’t be a let down.
6. Just admit when you’re wrong; it kind of turns us on. Well, not really. Its simply annoying when you waste your time and mine.
5. Crude comments disgust me. I don’t want to know all of the different terms you and your friends use to describe your sexual explorations. I didn’t even know some these terms existed.
4. Locker Room Talk. Intimate details of our relationships should not be shared with all of your closest friends. I do not want to get an STD by association.
3. Patience. Just because the lines of communication are open doesn’t mean our legs are. Enjoy the sexual tension- it makes it better in the end.
2. I am not your maid. Just because I may be your girlfriend or best friend doesn’t mean I’m going to do your laundry. There is a reason we all have money on our stag cards. No sharing.
1. Caveman tendencies. Apparently some guys are still living in the Ice Age. Please, please, please learn how to treat us. Numbers 2-9 probably wouldn’t exist if you could just remove your head from your ass and open your eyes. Learn that without us, you have nothing.
Despite all your complaining about the things that annoy you about us, you love every single aspect of who we are. But I’m sure you won’t admit that to your friends.
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