SHE said: Valentine’s Day: Keep it simple

As I write this week’s column, I’m sitting on my couch watching Soulmate Sunday on USA – an all-day marathon of cheesy chick flicks in anticipation of today, the infamous Feb. 14.

Normally, this is the type of thing I would despise, but believe it or not, I actually like the idea of Valentine’s Day. In addition, “Blue Crush” and “Along Came Polly” are two of the best so-bad-they’re-good movies ever made, so you really can’t go wrong.

So guys, how do you plan on celebrating with your special lady this year? Nice dinner? Sure. Flowers? Couldn’t hurt. Candy? Obviously. These are easy, simple and foolproof ways to make it out of V-Day alive.

There are, however, a couple of ways you could completely screw it up.

For instance, do not attempt some elaborate, romantic gesture that involves skywriting, a boombox outside of her bedroom window, or red and white balloons to the ceiling. You are not Matthew McConaughey, John Cusack, or my ex-boyfriend.

While you might think you are being thoughtful, what you are actually doing (besides trying really hard to get laid) is fishing for compliments from other girls so they’ll think you are the greatest boyfriend ever, and looking for a pat on the back from your roommates.

Basically, your motivation is purely self-centered and thus not at all in keeping with the spirit of this day of love.

You could forget the day entirely, but you’d have to have a total of four brain cells to do that. If you are too oblivious to notice the reddish tint in CVS stores across America this time of year, you should probably spend the night alone anyway.

Whatever happened to an equal opportunity Valentine’s Day?

I miss the days when we constructed our cut-and-paste mailboxes and went to the store to buy some Looney Toons cards and Hershey’s kisses for the entire class.

Patrick Ward of Mrs. McCloud’s kindergarten class got it right back in the day – a foil-wrapped chocolate rose on my desk during snack time with a Gem valentine attached.

You can’t get much better (and wonderfully cheesy) than that.