“Blackout on a Tuesday, am I right?”
“I’m an ‘only wear jeans on the weekend’ person.”
“Biggest lie I was told in high school is that college professors don’t care if you miss class.”
“Did the church bells always ding at the hour or is this a new thing?”
“I had to eat breakfast in the shower this morning so I could make it to my 8 a.m.”
“Salt and vinegar chips with salsa is my new ish.”
“Field trip into town because I’m done with Barone.”
“I went to the bathroom this morning and saw a fish in the toilet. R.I.P.”
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