Over Thanksgiving break, the Coffee Break team became certified astrologists and were even ordained by the cosmos themselves. All of these messages came in the form of premonitory dreams and very misguided star mapping, so they required some interpretation. Do with it what you will.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Good news, Mars is in your sun house and you know what that means, you’re going to be unstoppable this week. No obstacle stands a chance against your strength. You’ll really feel the power this week, use it wisely or perhaps unwisely …
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Oh poor little Capricorn, you’ll be presented with a real dilemma this week. Like will you be the football to your friend’s quarterback level dilemma (real Coffee Break fans will remember)? Pluto is in your vacation house of choice — try to take a breath or make a list. Just remember, only you know the right answer.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Remember to brush your teeth.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Get ready for a spicy week full of new love. Jupiter’s ninth cousin is in your house of romance, ooh la la la. A certain someone has been in your life for a while, but you will see them in a new light.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
This will be a stressful week for you. Deadlines are piling up and things could soon become overwhelming. It’s crucial that you break out your agenda, even if it’s for the first time all semester. Tread carefully; your sanity is at stake.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Be careful this week; Saturn’s third moon is in your house of betrayal. A social rival might finally one-up in your squad group chat. Or maybe a friend from home will reveal a past backstabbing. Either way, it’s important to keep a level head and not rush into any decision that can’t undone.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You’re in store for a surprise this week. Good or bad, the stars did not reveal. What is certain is that something unexpected will find its way to the center stage of your life, Gemini.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
This will be an easy week for you. You’ll have smooth sailing into the hurricane that is finals. Relax, put your feet up, fit in one more Netflix binge before the storm hits.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Leo, Leo, Leo, what are we going to do with you? You’re in a real tough spot this week because just your mercury is in retrograde. Sorry, we just read the stars; we don’t arrange ‘em.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
This will be a poppin’ week for you, Virgo. Plenty of parties to attend this week and you’re on everyone’s guest list. Just remember to prioritize — some people might feel snubbed by your absence.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You’re doing amazing, sweetie. Keep up your hard work — it will all pay off. What you need most this week is encouragement and support. So don’t be afraid to cut out people who are only giving off bad vibes.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Dearest Scorpio, this week will kick you right in the teeth. Unfortunately, Venus is in your third house of torment. Try not to hemorrhage too badly; sweet Scorpio — we’re all rooting for you.