Well folks, we’ve already hit a milestone – this is my 10th column! More exciting than that, the website says that this is one of the most read columns of the paper! Cool beans, folks. To celebrate, even though I’m a bit long-winded (again), here’s three questions of the general variety on el date-o.
Why do guys have such a problem dating active girls? It seems like all they want to go for are girls who are more interested in partying than girls who actually are out there and active, doing things around the school and just being involved. Is it kryptonite to have a brain?
-Smarter then the average bear
It’s not kryptonite, but men are like magnets, and girl party animals are like cheap metal.
Pretend you’re a Family Feud surveyor and you ask 100 college men: what do you look for in a girl? I bet the #1 answer isn’t a 4.0 GPA. Sad, but true.
The goal is not to try to attract the average guy – it’s to try to find the above average guy who will be interested in you and not how much alcohol you can consume before passing out.
The best way to do that is to meet someone where you would normally go to take part in activities. Part of a club and there’s a guy there you’re interested in? There you go. There’s something in common already – he likes to bungee jump off of the school’s academic buildings just like you do (what club were you involved in again?). If that doesn’t work, you can always look beyond the campus – look at the guy behind the counter at the Citgo station or folding up those Abercrombie shirts you seem to love. You could find your love connection without having to go on Blind Date.
If all else fails, don’t stoop to the level of acting different to get a guy. You’re only creating a false image that, when you’re caught, will send you back to square one, only with an extra rejection on your plate. The only benefit of that is you’ll make the mistake yourself instead of listening to some random advice columnist. It’s your call.
Why do girls only date jerks? Girls like to have attention, and the fact that a jerk doesn’t give it to them only makes them want them more. Why create the pain for yourself?
-A nice guy with no girl
Maybe you and ‘smarter’ should meet each other. Too bad I cleverly mask the names to make that impossible. This isn’t match.com, folks.
I think my answer above sort of goes both ways, for one. Where you meet a person, and the common interest that brings the two together, has a large effect on what types of people get together. If the common interest is drinking, both of those who meet at a party are likely to get together there.
As for girls dating jerks, I think you answered your own question. Relationships can be a lot like fishing sometimes. When you’ve cast your line, you’re out there searching for that fish that you can catch. Sometimes, you’ll catch one without trouble. Sometimes it’ll put up a fight. And if you’re not the type to fish, you’ll just get it at the fish market.
To clarify the analogy, guys looking for a girl is like the fisherman who’s cast his line. Sometimes, he’ll reel in a nice catch and have a good thing going, while other times a fight will be put up. Sometimes the guy will create that fight, by throwing the fish back in the water, only to catch it again. Make sense? I sure hope so. I’m sort of floundering with the analogy.
Ultimately, I think the guys who treat girls badly do it because they can. It doesn’t justify the behavior, but there is the whole idea that girls will give a guy more attention because of how they’re treated, and then there’s the group who feel they can get another girl in a second so they should be happy with the fact that they’re in a real relationship at all. Sucks, doesn’t it?
Those girls who feel they’re being treated like jerks or are having trouble finding a guy can E-mail me at the address at the end of this article – I’m ready and willing, I’m articulate enough to write a column twice a week, which also proves I’m punctual and can be there for people on a regular basis. Oh, and did I mention I can give out fairly decent advice now and then?
Betting I won’t get E-mails, but it was worth a shot.
Why are people so afraid of being outside of a relationship? Isn’t it a good thing to enjoy the single life now and then while we’re young?
-Single and loving it
So… cold… in… the… relationship… free…. world…
Relationships offer a lot to people – a constant companion who is there for you no matter what sucks in your life, not to mention a really good friend to boot. The physical, spiritual and emotional connections that you have together are special and unique.
But that doesn’t mean you have to have it all the time. People outside of relationships don’t have to struggle because Mr. or Mrs. Right (now) aren’t within a phone call, IM or fax of their vicinity.
Much of the important stuff can come from friendships. Those long conversations you have with your friends about the big issues of the world, or even nothing at all are just like those two hour conversations you spend on your cell phone going back and forth with your significant O asking “so, how’ve you been?” Hanging out, doing stuff and so on with your friends are like a date only without that sticky, where-is-this-going type of conversation that comes up now and then in a relationship. It can’t solve the physical stuff, but if that’s why you need a relationship, you’re looking at it from all the wrong reasons.
The single life is a blessing in disguise. And if someone’s just come out of a particularly nasty divorce (well, around here, it’s called a ‘break-up’ – you crazy kids), then it’s even more important just to regain your bearings and check your oil before diving into the dating commute again. Just remember to use your turn signal, and don’t feel guilty about stopping at the rest areas now and then.
It’s time to get me a new analogy dictionary. These are more worn then that shirt I’ve had since I was 14. But I think you get the point. Thanks for asking.
Have a question you want answered? E-mail joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com and he may answer your question in a future A Word of Advice. Questions are answered every Monday and Thursday. All questions answered in the column were submitted by college-age students and may have been edited for length and/or content.
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