In honor of this week’s Jail N’ Bail, these are the people we would like to see arrested.
Alex Gross, Student, Former (tear) Editor in Chief of The Mirror
Description of Jailee: Curly hair, one blue eye ‘- one brown eye, likes to talk about environmental issues.
Reason for arrest: Littering, and driving a SUV.
Orin Grossman, Academic Vice President
Description of Jailee: Wears a suit, glasses.
Reason for arrest:’ Allowing ‘the Stagweb cheater’ a.k.a. ‘the Banner Bandit’ to graduate, but still … Grossman can play piano like a pro.
Peter Bayers, English Professor
Description: Wearing climbing pants, flip-flops, and a Patagonia fleece.
Reason for arrest: Murdering a mole.
Phil Lane, Economics Professor
Description: Dressed like Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel (red sweater vest).
Reason for arrest: Always saying ‘himself.’
Carole Ann Maxwell, Musical Director
Description: Always carrying a cup of soda, likes to wear extravagant dresses at Clee Club concerts.
Reason for arrest: Letting Glee Club ‘go wild’ in their upcoming Pops Concert.
Fr. Jeffrey von Arx, University President
Description: Roman collar, black suit, glasses, left-handed.
Reason for arrest: Improper use of a golf cart.
Fr. Michael Doody, Director of Campus Ministry
Description: Roman collar, glasses.
Reason for arrest: For flicking people’s faces and punching students.
Josh Kenney, He Said
Description: Dark hair, glasses, likes to give a peace sign.
Reason for arrest: Not sending in his column to The Mirror on time this week.
Fran Silverman, Journalism professor and advisor of The Mirror
Description: Small stature, short curly hair, high voice.
Reason for arrest: Being too nice.
Jeff Seiser, FUSA President
Description: Dark hair, slacks and tie.
Reason for arrest: The Mirror has done extensive research to determine that size does not matter.
Kid who got home run off The Mirror
Description: We don’t know you … but we will find you.
Reason for arrest: We lost, 7-6.
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