Cancun. Bahamas. Cayman Islands. New Jersey. Can you guess which destination I’ll be spending my spring break? I’ll give you a hint: the closest thing to a body of water is the hardly pristine Hudson River, and my only hope of catching some rays is standing underneath a tanning lamp.
Whereas 90 percent of the Fairfield University population will be catching a plane to some exotic destination next week, I will be nestled in the distant, far-off suburb of Cranford, N.J. No plane trip required here; just a mere hour and a half car ride. It hardly feels like I’m traveling anywhere at all, but I’m hoping that as I speed over the Tappan Zee a feeling of vacation will set in.
Welcome to Crancun. No, don’t look for it on a map. Your efforts will be in vain, for Crancun is a secret destination reserved only for the luckiest spring breakers, and I happen to be one of them. Nevertheless, it has all the fixtures of the classic spring break locales chosen by the less creative traveler, such as Daytona Beach.
The heat is on! Pull your beach chair up to the sizzling space heater cleverly located in my living room, and soak up the luscious heat. I hope you’ve brought plenty of magazines to pass the lazy hours as you relax in 80 degree temperatures. Don’t forget your shades.
Swim up bar? Of course. Put on your bathing suit and dive into my miniscule bath tub. Roll over to the other side and receive your iced cold…coca cola. The best part about this luxurious feature is that with the turning of the hot water handle, the “pool” instantly transforms into a Jacuzzi. Of course, it’s up to you to provide your own bubbles.
Many tourists are interested in local wildlife. Toucans and iguanas Crancun lacks. However, marvel at its unique native species, including the beautiful crow and majestic squirrel. Travel to the nearby Rahway River and discover the incredibly rare Canadian geese that snap at your fingers and crap on your shoes. What a souvenir! Don’t be afraid to take lots of pictures.
The natives of Crancun are very dangerous and should be respected, especially after they return from a hard day’s work. Nevertheless, it is always interesting to observe their interactions, especially as the father figure discovers that the car insurance bill is due in a mere seven days. Watch the adolescent protest tribal authority and beg to extend curfew. Marvel as the matriarch cleans the kitchen.
Sunblock is essential because once the rain lets up, it’s going to be a scorcher. Also, beware of pesky photographers: you don’t want to end up in the latest edition of Girls Gone Mild, caught red-handed playing a rousing game of Boggle with the natives.
So if your plans fall through last minute, don’t fret! Pack your bags, jump in your car, and about 40 miles south of the smokestacks and $4.40 in tolls later, you’ll hit Crancun. No passport needed, only EZ Pass. Happy travels!
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