I use Gillette’s fancy Mach 3 razor system. The problem I faced was that the blade left on my razor had a few too many miles on it. So, I ventured off to the paragon of food, toiletries, and the occasional baked good-Stop and Shop.
Much to my surprise, Mach 3 blades were over seven dollars! I, being painfully cheap, decided to go with a $1.99 pack of store brand disposables. It was only a few days until I went home and what could possibly be the harm?
Those blades nearly destroyed me. They never got close enough to provide me the confidence I need to enthrall the ladies with my well-kept mug. I knew something needed to be done so I broke down and paid the piper for the primo blades.
Immediately, “The Bond File Girls” began to come around again each marveling at the close shave. The financial damage was done though and I began to wonder just what the Gillette corporation is that it has such high-tech capabilities as creating not one, not two, but three blade razors! The answer I have conjectured will shock you. Gillette is owned by the United States Military.
It all adds up. We keep bombing away, while Dubya and company push for massive tax cuts for their rich buddies. Because each “hit” of blades is so expensive we have been able to fund such wonders as the MOAB bomb, which recently was tested in Florida, and bunker-buster bombs, used to help ferret out Saddam Hussein.
Also, we have been at war in largely Arab foreign countries-people who are known to shave less than we do. Think about it, weren’t some of the first pictures out of Afghanistan of men shaving their beards! (Also, although I have not checked this myself, it is rumored that the leg shaving policy is much more lax there.) If we get them hooked on the Mach 3, or better yet the Mach 3 Turbo then we can kiss our fiscal problems goodbye!
This final point may just be the end of me but I feel it must be published. Who is one of the main competitors to Gillette? The Bic Company-a French company! It figures why we are slowly being brainwashed via Fox News to dislike them for not joining our coalition of the willing. (I hear razor blades are being shipped to Romanian women as fast as we can crank them out, and thank God for that!)
It’s all thanks to Uncle Sam masquerading as the Gillette Corporation. That reminds me, isn’t he due in for a shave soon?
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