Once again it’s time for FUSA elections. Does anyone really care who wins anymore? In past years it was dramatic and exciting when election time came around, but this year the new midget reality show seems more thrilling.
I watched some of the debate last week, which was pure torture. I even noticed some of the candidates’s own supporters dozing off in the audience. I am sure watching paint drying on a wall would be more stimulating for them. So here are some ideas that I have that can spice up the race and make students actually care about the election.
Community service is a great way to show students you are a dedicated candidate. So I would love to see the candidates perform a duty that would benefit all of us. Let’s have them clean the dishes in Barone! I hate going to grab a plate for my meal and having to stare at a plate that is dirtier than some of the food they serve us. So lets see who can clean the most plates and capture some votes while they are at it.
There are rumors that whoever is president is just a puppet for the administration, which really makes all the decisions. So to disprove this theory, I feel that the candidates should have to pull pranks on some of the people that work with FUSA. Especially the ones who like to yell and force people to resign. Any prank will do, but an atomic wedgie or a flaming bag of “poop” will always do the trick.
I appreciate the whole idea of candidates’s supporters driving people around campus to sway some votes. But I think these drivers should give rides to people off campus, especially for the freshmen. Freshmen can walk anywhere on campus, but getting off campus is a little tougher. And none of them want to take the death trap a.k.a. the Dattco shuttle. So give them a ride to get some food or some beer, and votes will sure to be swung your way.
A staple of a candidate’s campaign is handing out crap. Pens, pins, candy…whatever. This is all useless material and the students deserve something more worthwhile. So I want the candidate’s Stagbucks! When I get my food, they swipe for me, simple. If this would happen, I would probably vote for them. No, no probably not, but it’s still not a bad idea.
And finally let’s have a debate that we can actually enjoy watching. And I want a Jerry Springer theme for this debate. All the candidates come dressed as white trash and we’ll have them fight, swear, and yell at each other. This way we will see who really wants to be FUSA President, and at least it’s entertaining to us.
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