Short skirts, open windows and more students than turkeys in the quad.
As the ice melts and the calendar flips to April, class attendance, as well as the overall GPA of the student body, slowly dwindles.
Students are more likely to be sprawled out in the quad on a weekday afternoon than sulking in the back row of a stuffy classroom.
The registrar, currently overwhelmed due to class registration, was unavailable for comment on the actual statistics, but if you want statistics put those college skills to use and try counting the number of students in your class on a day-to-day basis (calculators permitted).
I don’t think students can be blamed for their affection for the outdoors.
For four months out of the year, we have to walk to and from classes in freezing temperatures compounded by a razor-sharp wind that never seems to leave the quad.
The walks are long, slow and impeded by the massive books we’re required to lug to class.
As winter neared its end, students looked toward the shamrocks and pints of Guinness in hopes of ushering in warmer weather.
For most, St. Patty’s day was spent battling the biting winds with even stronger beverages. This left students more ready than ever to leave their coats and Uggs home over break and return with board shorts and flip flops.
Contrary to popular belief, teachers take into account the temperature during roll; they are not stupid.
They know you’re not sick, locked out of your room or withering away in the library as you roll over in bed. They mark you absent and worry that the future leaders of society are more concerned with getting a tan than getting a degree.
The dutiful students who do attend class usually don’t get much done anyway.
They sit in the back, gaze out the window and listen to the sounds of springtime. Fairfield students daydream like second-graders watching the other classes play outside during recess.
The last thing on anyone’s mind is finding a definite integral or writing a paper about some dead white guy who probably never left the friendly confines of his mother’s living room.
While the lures of warm sun and hours of carelessly tossing a ball back and forth seem tempting, it would be in your best interest to wait until the weekend.
The weather will be warm another day; that history test is a one-time deal. While your friends will find someone to take your place in wiffleball, there’s a good chance your English teacher won’t accept someone else’s essay in place of your own.
Go ahead and put on your shorts and Willie Wonka sunglasses when you step outside. Just because you’re dressed for a lazy summer day doesn’t make it one.
Go to class, pay attention and maybe even take some notes for your friends who weren’t able to tear themselves from their outdoor salvation.
About an hour before the next class, they’ll probably be scrambling to learn what they missed while that wiffleball game in the Quad will be nothing more than a distant memory.
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