1. Does the NFL combine mean anything?
Kate McGann: Obviously not to me because I had to ask Tom and Chris what it even was …
Rob Fitzgerald: Old white dudes watching young muscular men in spandex gallop around? The clipboard isn’t fooling anyone; go watch film and put your tongue back in your mouth.
Chris Simmons: The players are treated no better than cows at a meat market. Where are PETA, Eric San George and Alex Gross at?
2. Will Barry Bonds play again?
Kate McGann: Hopefully not. The evidence is pretty incriminating, and I still believe in good, old-fashioned peck-blasting in the weight room to get ahead.
Rob Fitzgerald: Leaked documents indicate that he will, but apparently it was a typo.
Chris Simmons: Barry Bonds will come back, but not as a baseball player. He will join Rafael Palmeiro as a Viagara spokesman to help recover from his shrinkage.
3. Will Bobby Knight return to Indiana?
Kate McGann: Well, considering Ralph Nader’s most recent millionth campaign for the presidency, anything is possible.
Rob Fitzgerald: It would make it much easier to fulfill his requests about being buried upside down there, wouldn’t it?
Chris Simmons: I can only hope. Mr. Knight (don’t call him Knight; it ends badly) knows how to keep people in line. At least he can say he never cheated.
4. Are you excited for spring training?
Kate McGann: More than usual, probably because I’ve been doing plenty of my own spring training on Wii’s Homerun Derby.
Rob Fitzgerald: If El Guapo, Ricky Henderson, or Oil Can Boyd is making another comeback attempt, yes. Otherwise, I’ll take basketball instead.
Chris Simmons: As of right now the Orioles haven’t lost yet. Of course I’m excited. At least until the season starts and I have to hear all the Red Sox and Yankees fans start up again.
5. Is Darren McFadden the next Travis Henry?
Kate McGann: Maybe McFadden should work on surpassing a more legitimate record.
Rob Fitzgerald: It may be a challenge for McFadden to catch up to Henry in the illegitimate children statistic.
Chris Simmons: As long as he doesn’t pull a Maurice Clarett and start drinking Grey Goose out of a water bottle during practice, he’ll still make his millions.
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