From Providence to Boston to Fairfield, the life and times of Ed Cooley has been nothing short of a roller coaster.
Next stop: Lexington.
Despite rapid speculation that the Kentucky Wildcats named Memphis head coach John Calipari as the successor to Billy Gillespie, Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart’ did an about-face and hired Cooley, the upstart, dapperly dressed coach of the Stags.
‘My Old Kentucky home,’ Cooley serenaded. ‘My time at Fairfield was short, but now it’s ‘Our Time’ here in Lexington.’
Florida head coach Billy Donovan and Oklahoma State Travis Ford were also rumored as potential candidates.
Cooley stressed that he learned a great deal in his brief tenure with the Stags.
‘You know, for these past few weeks, I’ve been saying that if there’s any coach that has gone through what I went through this year with Fairfield, that I’ll buy his books, watch his DVDs, go to his camps,’ Cooley said of his tumultuous season that was marred with injuries and’ unrest.
‘I just realized that I’m that coach.’ Cooley said. ‘It’s me, boys. So here I am down South, and I’m bringing my books, my DVDs and my camps with me.’
Cooley is especially thrilled to be taking his craft to perhaps the most storied program in college basketball history.
‘I love it here,’ Cooley said. ‘I’m from the Northeast, but I’m a Southern boy at heart. I love bluegrass. I’ve got a few Lynyrd Skynyrd albums. I rock jean shorts now and then. I bought an RV. I just got a Dale Earnhardt tattoo.’
‘Colonel Sanders and I will get a long just fine in Kentucky ‘- don’t you worry,’ he added.
Cooley added that he plans on becoming one of the state’s most recognizable faces.
Beginning next week, Cooley and new associate head coach Al Skinner, who is leaving Boston College to aide his long-time friend, will breed thoroughbreds at a farm near neighboring Transylvania University.
‘We’re naming our first horses Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. We’re planning on running the Derby,’ Skinner said.
Regardless of Cooley’s relative inexperience on the national level, pundits lauded the Wildcats for a bold, decisive decision.
‘Cooley! The coach! The ‘Cats! Now that is one big time, surprising, sensational, stunning selection, my friends!’ CBS play-by-play announcer Gus Johnson said. ‘Cooley is going to be the quite the find for those felines!’
‘He was mah-vah-lous on the air,’ WFAN personality Mike Francesca said of his March Madness partner. ‘Finding Uncle Mo? Christers? Forget Kentucky; SNL is hiring! I wish Gir-ahdi and the Yanks were this funny.’
Former player and senior Jon Han could not be reached for comment.
Meanwhile, Fairfield athletic director Gene Doris also did not respond to phone calls. CBS Sports reported that Doris and Fairfield higher ups were huddling with Calipari, who was so angry with Kentucky’s decision that he plans to make a move back to mid-major basketball in the Northeast.
‘If there’s one positive I can take from all of this, it’s that my assistant coaches were dressed nicely,’ Calipari said in disgust.
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Happy’ April’ Fools Day!
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