Annnnnnnnnnnd welcome back everybody. Summer is over and the new year is finally upon us. The 9-5 work is no more and now it’s time to do work on the females of the class of ’11. (Does that look scary to anyone else?).
My advanced scout, a.k.a. my friend who had to take summer classes at Fairfield in order to qualify for medical school, has informed me that we have some real blue chippers in the incoming class to replace the overworked class of ’07 that was past their prime anyway.
Speaking of girls being in their prime, I know we all went to a bunch of graduation parties this summer in which we had to endure awkward conversations with the same parents weekend after weekend.
Like I needed a weekly reminder that I only had one more year of college left.
OK, so, back to the girls. Did anyone else catch themselves thinking about how attractive the high school girls suddenly became?
Out of nowhere your friend Joey’s little sister developed (think about it) into a nice little prospect.
It was like that time period in high school when girls started getting their braces off and you decided it was socially acceptable to begin talking to them.
Now, the girl who just got her braces off wasn’t your age, but the smokeshow little sister is about 16.
There are laws against that.
For the record, every male on campus thinks he is going to tap into the freshman class of women, but few will be as successful as they think.
No one really knows what women want and nobody really cares that much either.
We just want them.
Plain and simple.
In order to leave your mark on or in the freshmen girls you must first follow these strict and helpful guidelines:
First and foremost, no v-cards.
You don’t want a stage-5 clinger to deal with all year.
You want a girl who knows the ropes, but not like Hillary Swank in “Million Dollar Baby,” who I still do not believe is a female.
Too much experience can cost you too though.
Leave the Grand Canyon for the sightseers.
Also, don’t worry if a girl has a boyfriend from home.
There is nothing alcohol and being “such a great listener” can’t solve.
Lastly, exhibit absolutely no morals.
I’m sure that won’t be too hard. Just get in, get out and go on your way.
Good luck guys.
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