I’ll be the first to say that if Barone had a bathroom, I’d never leave. Seriously, your bowel movements are the only thing keeping you from scoping babes all day. Not only am I one of very few seniors with a meal plan, but I’m also single handedly keeping the Scott toilet paper company in business.
There’s been talk about a Barone marathon (all day from 8 a.m.-8 p.m.), but I don’t think it can be done. That food gives up more runs than Kei Igawa.
Going to Barone for dinner is a process. You want to be there for prime time at 6:30, but you also don’t want to run the risk of not getting a table. If one opens up, show no mercy and throw your StagCard down before someone else does. All is fair in love, war and staking claim to a table in Barone. And rectangular tables don’t count. Those are for couples to partake in PDA sessions that aren’t watched – they’re ridiculed.
When it comes to checking out every girl in the place, not only is your table’s positioning key, but so too is your seat at the round table. Having the feature table is great, but having your back turned to the entrance and exits is like sitting front row at a DMB concert (the most college band out there) and being deaf. Besides, we all know the lawn is where it’s at.
Sunday brunch is a disaster, but anybody who is anybody is there – and that includes Mamadou, who never fails to make an appearance.
Everybody tries to clean themselves up without making it look like they tried at all, but seriously you aren’t fooling anybody with your sweat pants when your hair is gelled. Everyone looks so bad it’s as if there’s a shuttle bus to the cafeteria from the morgue.
Nothing is worse than seeing the girl who turned you down the night before after you professed your love for her. There’s been countless times when eye contact is made and quickly turned away from. We all do it, but let’s try to not be so obvious this year. We know you aren’t thinking about getting one of those hotdogs that have been spinning longer than the ones at Kwik-E-Mart.
There are plenty of options for the hangover cure like eggs, peanut butter, beef stew and tacos, but that just takes us right back to square one.
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