Sports is a man’s escape from women. Every Sunday, we just want to sit on the couch, slop on some pizza, drink beer and watch football.
Stop invading our world, girls. We need a break from you or we will lose our sanity. “If relationship George walks through this door he will kill independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand!”
You aren’t athletic. Quite frankly it’s pathetic. Why do you think the “you play ball like a girl” insult in the Sandlot was so effective?
Watching you run is like watching a fish trying to free itself from a hook. Who taught you to flail your arms so awkwardly?
Your hands are awful. It’s like watching a wall try to catch a pass. You catch STDs better than you do footballs.
Everything remotely athletic that you do happens in slow motion, or at least that’s how it seems. Scholarship athletes aside, I am confident that I can beat every other female here in a sprint.
When you play basketball, no one jumps. Whoever is the tallest gets every rebound until she finally makes a shot. They should measure female verticals in sheets of paper.
The only place for a woman on a field is the sidelines. Don’t act surprised, you’ve all seen what cheerleaders and dance teams wear. Joe Namath had the right idea with Suzy Kolber.
And what about those sideline reporters? Do you really think ESPN hired Erin Andrews for her knowledge of sports and not her perfect face and body? Go figure, she used to be on the dance team at the University of Florida. As my buddy Pete says, she’s the most “now” person in sports.
Please don’t pretend like you know what you are talking about either. Just because your dad has season tickets doesn’t mean you can break down the game. Your dad could own the team and I still wouldn’t want to hear your opinion.
You might know who Tony Parker is because of Eva Longoria, but could you name anyone on his team who is darker than him?
You also know Tom Brady, but he just knocked up one broad and now he’s with a supermodel.
Just remember girls, sports are for guys. A hint of athleticism is a good thing, but when you look like Icebox from the Little Giants you won’t be getting any playing time off the field.
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