My Irish heritage is a relatively sad story, one that had been masterfully executed by my late Irish loving grandfather. To know my grandfather would have been to know every dirty joke and whiskey variety known to man. Even as a baby he would lovingly hold me on his lap and pass on this endless supply of knowledge, reciting Poteen drink recipes and womanizing jokes as if they were nursery rhymes. Once I overheard a group of my grandfather’s Irish friends saying of him, “T’anks be to heaven, if that ye man went to a wedding, he’d stay for the christening.” I deduced this was the cause of his endless supply of stories and constant talking.
Ever since I can remember, my grandfather would take my siblings and me to Hibernian Hall, our Irish Community Center, to spend St. Patrick’s Day. Although I always enjoyed the eating and jigging, I think my first real induction into the Hibernian may have been when I was six, standing with a group of my grandfather’s friends. When my mother entered the room, I repeated from a story I’d heard, “Aye, now isn’t that a fine doorfull of a woman.”
Sadly, it was here in the third grade that I came to find out my grandfather was not Irish at all, but an Englishman by birth. The only trace of Irish that existed in the man was in the form of heavy drinking and storytelling at the Hibernian on Plyatt Street in Glens Falls, God rest his soul.
After that, I never let on to his secret, but always hoped that if ever a shirt were printed that said “Kiss me I’m 1/100th Irish,” I’d wear it proudly in truth. In memory of the holiday I offer a joke that is best recited after a tall glass of stout:
“Seamus was tooling along the road on an autumn day when Paddy, his old friend and a police officer, pulled him over.
‘Aye, what d’ye mean by pulling me o’er, Paddy?’ Seamus demanded.
Paddy replied, ‘Well shure ye knew, Seamus, ye wife fell out of the car about five miles back?’
‘Ah, praise the Almighty!’ Seamus replied with relief. ‘Me thought oi’d gone deaf!'”
Eireann go Brach! Wishing a Happy St. Patrick’s Day to the fun-loving Irish and those who wish they were.
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