You walk into a townhouse party and grab a beer. From across the room you connect eyes with a beautiful girl or handsome boy. Slowly you venture towards each other. You talk, drink and maybe dance with one another. You’ve really hit it off! The party starts to wind down and you’re left with the question, ‘do I say goodnight and leave it as is or do I just throw all caution to the wind and hook up with this person?’ This scenario is a common one on all college campuses; one that leaves most students in the dark.
The word hook-up is generally misunderstood to mean sex, while it actually refers to any type of action, whether it is kissing or something more intimate, with someone you aren’t dating, no strings attached. Feelings and thoughts towards this concept of a hook-up are mixed and widespread amongst teens, young adults and adults, but talk about the subject is just to beginning to surface.
Laura Sessions Stepp, a writer for the Washington Post, is the author of the book “Unhooked.” The book focuses on what she calls the “hook-up generation.”
The conclusion is that hook-ups can be damaging to young people, both emotionally and physically, and makes them ill-equipped to deal with real relationships later on in life.
This conclusion was met with much criticism.
While Stepp concludes that hook-ups are beginning to replace meaningful relationships, some students say it is a possible way for people find relationships.
Most people who are shy around those they are romantically interested in say a hook-up acts as a way to break the ice, a way to say, “Hey, I like you.”
“Usually you wouldn’t want to start a relationship based on a random hook-up one night,” said Christine Pfeifer ’08. “I’m pretty sure it’s just understood that it’s a one-time thing and nothing will really come out of it. But if you had feelings for the person before the drunken kiss, then maybe a relationship can begin.”
“There are no rules,” said Lydia Yohannes ’10. “A hook-up is a hook-up. Never expect anything more; if it evolves into to something more, it will happen naturally.”
Others say that hook-ups ruin any chance of a relationship because the mystery disappears and when you get to know the person on a physical level before an emotional level, there is no foundation to build a relationship.
So why are hook-ups so relevant in college?
Some believe it is because students are trying to put off commitment as long as they can before entering the real world. Also, many students are focused on friendships and becoming involved in a committed relationship interferes with building on those friendships.
“I don’t want to get in a serious relationship while I’m in college, because this is the one time we have in our lives to be young and free,” said Amanda Sullivan ’08. “I can just worry about myself and not have to worry about anyone else.”
Other factors can also come into play when considering a hook-up with someone. If it is someone you have just met, you most likely know nothing about them. He may be the star lacrosse player and she may be the hottest girl in school but you may not know that he is currently in his sixth year of college or that she has problems with depression. The person you are hooking up with may have baggage that you aren’t willing to take on.
“I’m a little weary about hook-ups,” said Stephanie Clapp ’10. “You never know if the guy will turn out to be a total creep or if afterwards you’ll see him everywhere you turn.”
Hook-ups can also be awkward if you know the person. Being ‘friends with benefits’ or hooking up with a friend can put strains on a friendship.
Jessica Parnell ’10 disagrees.
“When I was single, the general rule was if my friends approved, it was good to go,” she said.
“It depends on the person you hook up with,” said Hilary Martin ’09. “Sometimes things are awkward and other times things are cool.”
And what do you do when you and your friend like the same person?
“I wouldn’t let a guy come between my friend and me,” said Lesley Martin ’10. “Friendships are so much more important than some guy.”
Others, like Steve Parker ’10, think differently.
“I think whoever was interested in that particular person first or whoever is interested more should have the green light,” he said. “But you should definitely talk about it.”
When it all comes down to it, everyone has their own set of rules. The important thing to remember is to stick by those rules and don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want to hear whispered around campus the next morning.
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