Congratulations! If you’re reading this article, that means you’ve survived your first weekend at college and (with few exceptions) you weren’t so outrageous that you were expelled within seven days.
Great job, froshies!
Only about 140 more weeks of this and you’ll be done with college.
But before we get to graduation, let’s slow it down to freshman year. I suppose as the big, bad, upperclass-woman that I am, I should be advising all of you of the ins and outs of Fairfield University.
Well, I guess I’ll start with the basics. Learn your way around campus. It’s cool for you this year, asking for help, getting a little leeway with the professors; but now, I have no excuse for not knowing where the heck the engineers have their classes. I just look like a big, old idiot.
I’d love to tell you that there’s hope out there for your dining experience – that all you need is a copy of “Barone: A Survival Guide” and you’re in the clear – but, alas, that book does not exist. You’re just going to have to rely on Mr. iPhone and myself for advice.
Rule number one: Avoid the fish. Just do it. You’ll thank me later.
Rule two: Hold out for the stir fry station. You may not know the wonder that lies behind that do-it-yourself rectangle, but you’ll appreciate it soon. Again, just trust me.
Rule three: Appreciate the shnazzy new tea bags and coffee machines. As the saying goes, it’s not much, but it’s home.
And then, once you mosey back to your dorm with a full but not so satisfied stomach, you might want to try getting friendly with the people on your floor.
For one, it saves you from some awkward bathroom encounters (I still don’t know who lived in Jogues first floor south side, and my roommate still makes fun of me for being an awful neighbor) and it also will help at the end of the year when the unspeakable rolls around: building damages.
In short, this means that every time Public Safety is called to clean up someone’s vomit, you all have to pay $100. So befriend your neighbor.
And then tell him or her, ever so kindly, keep it down, kid.
These should be the basics for a painless, kicking year at Fairfield. Oh, and in case you forgot, the whole basis of college is – get this – academics.
Mr. iPhone over there seems to forget that sometimes.
So you might want to heed my advice and keep up your grades, just so Mom can smile when she puts your Dean’s List certificate on the refrigerator for all her Book Club friends to see.
Corny?
Yes.
Satisfying?
Absolutely.
-Sent from my Verizon Wireless Blackberry
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