My girlfriend is going abroad next semester. With the distance and the lack of chances to see each other, I’m wondering if it’s smart to stay together or give each other some space while this occurs. Is it a good idea to try a long-distance relationship when there’s no chance we’ll see each other for four months?
-Taking flight soon
Buy two dozen round-trip plane tickets and visit her every weekend. ValuJet flies to Europe, right?
You may be answering your own question, if I’m reading between the lines right. If you have any doubts that this isn’t going to work, or you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone you won’t see for four months, you probably shouldn’t try to drag it out, get all stressed, and annoy your friends to death with the moaning and groaning of “she’s so far away and I can’t see her.”
If you really like this person, though, you simply find ways to make it work. You buy her a stack of international calling cards for Christmas (along with that lovely necklace she’s been eyeing since July), and you use E-mail and AIM if she has internet access. When I went to Italy, the internet café I went to was wired to the brim, and it was only about $4 for an hour of use, which isn’t all that bad, and allowed me to say hey to all those friends who were wondering if I met some hot Italian girl while I was over there. (I didn’t.) It doesn’t have to be difficult, but if you forsee it as being a problem, or if the relationship’s not worth it enough to you to try to make it work, then don’t insult her or yourself by doing it as a form of formality.
And remember, when she comes back after a semester, if you’re still together, she’ll be like your family dog when she sees you for the first time – she’ll be jumpy and kissing you all over, showing oh so much how happy she is to see you. Nice little bonus, eh?
My girlfriend of a couple of months said to me the other day that she thinks we’re moving too fast. I don’t think we’re moving too fast at all, but I like her. Should I slow down?
-going 80 in a 55
Relationships are like cars. They have an acceleration pedal and a brake pedal. If she feels like you’re going too fast and might lose control of the car, she’s going to go into back-seat driver overtime.
But before you ignore her like you would a back-seat driver, consider how much she means to you and how important the relationship is. If you feel like you could get a nice, long life out of this relationship car and not end up in the repair shop once a month, chances are you might want to apply the brakes a bit.
Sit down and talk to her and ask her to be more specific – what she would like you to do and how you can help make her more comfortable. Not only will you score points for listening and being open, but you’ll also be able to make adjustments that will make both of you happy.
One final thing for all of the readers out there: the relationship vehicle also has a cruise control option. I’d suggest breaking it off immediately, Nothing proves that a relationship is stuck more than the cruise control relationship. Vary it up a bit – you’ll be happier with how things are going when your relationship isn’t as predictable as Old Faithful.
Now that I’ve beaten my car analogy into the ground…
My girlfriend has lately become too clingy. I prefer to have some space at certain times. Do you have any ideas on how to approach this with her?
-Not a fan of static cling
Other than buying her a box of Bounce, there’s a few things you could do. Communication being the best tool, sit down and talk with her to let her know the problem at hand. Say that you need to be able to have a bit of space from time to time for reasons X, Y and Z. (Caution: if X is going out to parties with just the guys and Y is going to a strip club, you’re probably not going to get very far.) Just be sure she doesn’t take it as a “I need more space so I’m breaking up with you” kind of speech either. Word choice is very important.
Another way to do so is to set up a bit of a schedule with her where you tell her that between this time and this time you need to do work, so you can’t spend time with her (saying that your grades are in danger of slipping might help your case – I doubt she’d want you do fail out of college because her arm is permanently wrapped around yours).
Also it might not hurt to figure out where each of you are in the relationship. If you find you’re in different places, making sure you both know where you are might help resolve some of this – if she’s head-over-heels-over-toosh and you’re heading-for-something-but-not-sure-what, you can use that to be able to help loosen the jaws of life a bit when you talk to her. Be honest, but prove you care, so that way the sting might not be so bad when you tell her you want Fridays off to go bowling.
Have a question you want answered? E-mail joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com and he may answer your question in a future A Word of Advice. Questions are answered every Monday and Thursday. All questions answered in the column were submitted by college-age students and may have been edited for length and/or content.
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