To Boldly Go Where Everyone Before 2007 Went

Since 2007, residents of the Townhouses have had the difficult decision to risk losing their Townhouses to open the prohibited basements. After a beanbag chair caught fire in Townhouse 74, the administration locked the basements due to safety issues. Since then, students have been cracking open the doors in defiance, searching for the sacred party land. So for all those who wish to venture into the deep, dark, poorly ventilated basements here is a simple how to:

1. Take a wire hanger
2. With the hook facing up slip it in the space between the door and the door frame
3. Slide the hanger so the hook is now around the part of the lock that is locked to the door frame
4. Pull quick and hard on the hanger and the door at the same time
5. Open sesame! (Note: If you can’t fit the hanger between the frame and the door you will need to unhinge the door by prying the nails out of the hinges.)
6. Cover the windows so that light will not bleed out of the basement
7. Bring down a table and the party has begun!

Now that you know how to, the question now becomes if to. The upside is giving your house an entire floor that you were missing before, being able to adjust your hot water heater, and being able to pack an extra 50 people into a party. The downside is really only if you get caught. The consequences start at spending a day with the fire marshal, fines and finally, loosing housing privileges.

So with so much at risk, why do students still break open their basements? So with all that, we leave it up to you. However, I still believe that everyone should experience the Townhouse basements once before they graduate.