There are very few things on this planet that I am qualified to discuss. Relationships certainly aren’t one of them, and it’s always dangerous water for a male to talk about relationships in a public forum for fear that saying the wrong thing could lead to that guy never getting a date again.
Nevertheless, I’m going to make that plunge and give you the top 10 things I look for in a female, David Letterman style. (I’m going to leave out qualities like good looking, smart, funny, etc. because, frankly, who doesn’t want those things?)
10. She knows a lot about sports and loves the Red Sox or knows nothing about sports and likes the Yankees. The importance of this one can’t be underestimated. The majority of males see sports as their domain when it comes to the male-female relationship, and the last thing I need in a girl is someone who regularly brings up Derek Jeter’s OBP or Bernie Williams’ real first name. Also, if a girlfriend calls me the day Damon goes to the Yankees just to gloat, it might be grounds to end the relationship altogether.
9. She’s not that into “Sex and the City.” I don’t write this simply to bash the show. It’s only after seeing the show for an hour that I realized how warped the idea of a male can be in the mind of a female. Quotes such as “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they’re supposed to run wild until they find someone – just as wild – to run with” always makes me shake my head and wonder if girls expect me to come up with something like that.
8. She can drink beer. This isn’t some macho prophecy that I need a girl who can drink beer. But we all know those girls who say “I don’t drink beer” are the same girls who, when you take them out to dinner, order a three-liter raspberry flavored drink that ends up costing you $7.50. Not to mention there are few things more becoming than a girl saying, “Bud Light please…I’ll have the bigger one.”
7. She has a strong female group of friends. I don’t really have a great reason for this one other than the fact that if I was out with a girl and asked who she was hanging out with and she responded with “Not too many people, mostly my family,” it would send up a red flag for me.
6. I know where she stands on certain movies/situations. This one is actually lifted material from ESPN.com writer Bill Simmons. The two from his list that I liked the most were whether or not a girl liked “Field of Dreams” and if she put up a token fight to pay on the first date. Two of my major clinchers are where a girl stands on my level of sobriety (nothing worse than a girl who gives you a hard time when you’re drunk) and whether or not she likes “Good Will Hunting.”
5. She can challenge me. Like most males on this planet, I have the tendency to be stubborn, egotistical and even a bit of a smart mouth at times. It’s always nice to find a girl who can quiet me down with a few quick sentences and no real rebuttal. What’s the fun if you’re with someone who agrees with you all the time?
4. She’s a funny girl, whether it’s intentional or unintentional. Another aspect to this would be a girl who is also able to laugh at herself. Being with someone who takes herself too seriously can be downright depressing. If a girl can’t laugh it off when a guy is trying to figure out a bra-strap like a Rubik’s cube, it just isn’t that much fun.
3. She gets along with my guy friends. It doesn’t take much to get along with a large group of males. Laugh at their jokes, bring some food over, don’t start any serious confrontations, and you’re all set. It’s a horrible situation for a guy when his friends don’t get along with his girlfriend. Usually there’s some sort of inside joke that usually rears its ugly head at the wrong time and creates an all-star awkward situation.
2. She is someone I could see getting along with my family and vice versa. The meeting of the parents and extended family has been well documented in movies like “Meet the Parents” and “The Family Stone.” Usually there’s a good reason why comedies resort to real life situations like this; occasionally, it can go horribly wrong. I’ve been fortunate enough never to have this happen, but if I ever found myself in positions like Ben Stiller was in “Meet the Parents” I’m not sure that relationship could actually be continued in real life.
1. She becomes better looking the longer you’ve known her. Everyone knows someone who has a personality that makes him or her better looking. I guess we, as hormone-driven students who view aesthetics as the barometer for how much we like someone, really start to appreciate people as they get better looking in our eyes. Whenever I find myself with the same girl for over a few months, I always ask myself, “Do I find her more attractive now that I know her better or in the beginning when I knew less about her?” If the answer to that question is “yes,” then I think the captain can officially turn on the “keeper” light.
Of course some aspects of the top 10 are more important than others and some may not be relevant to you at all. I think it’s important to look in the mirror and see where you stand on the opposite sex every now and then because if you’re sitting at Fairfield as a junior or senior with a three-year relationship under your belt it may be “make it or break it” time. Now that I’ve ruined the weekend for every guy whose girlfriend just read that, I think it’s time for me to go.
Leave a Reply