There are many ways to make your presence known at a party. However, don’t become “that guy” or “that girl” and fall victim to any of the ten party fouls below, listed in order of increasing foulness. Please note that the authors have not been excused from committing some of these heinous crimes. Where else would some of these ridiculous ideas come from?
10. Fall asleep somewhere at the party. The bathroom, a couch, anywhere inconvenient. After all, the walk or cab ride home is SO far, you may as well just move in! (This is one of our most frequent fouls. Sometimes the company just doesn’t cut it.)
9. Trip down the stairs at a townhouse. Nothing says “start the party” like a grand entrance and a bruised tailbone. Who put that speed bump there!?
8. Cause drama between you and your roommate, you and that guy who winked at you but just went upstairs with someone else, or you and your ex-best-friend (as of tonight, who just went upstairs with Winkie). And hey, is it true that girl is a drug addict? Go ahead, ask her friends. Or better yet, spare everyone and either mind your own business, or save it for sobriety.
7. Cut someone in line for the bathroom (and then use the rest of the toilet paper). But don’t stop there: cut him in line at the keg, the beirut table, and then steal his cab. The other option? Wait your turn, you drunken fool.
6. Please, we encourage you to tell us about how your Daddy has a job lined up for you as soon as you graduate. What was that part about taking over the firm when he dies? We missed that tidbit while drowning ourselves in beer trying to forget we were still stuck talking to you.
5. Face-plant into a fire pit at the beach. In all seriousness, we hope she has recovered.
4. Rummage through the belongings of house owners. Try on that shirt, it’ll probably look better on you anyway. And hey, if it does, make off with it! Finders, keepers!
3. Ask someone about her major, then promptly mock her about it. Later on in the night, forget her name, remember her major, and continue to insult her about it. This goes right along with discussing anything school related, in a futile attempt to talk to someone you would never be in the position to talk with if sober. If we wanted to go over what was covered in class on Friday, we wouldn’t be out now. Would we?
2. Wear a camel colored leisure suit. We thought they stopped making those in 1973, but apparently we were incorrect. Hold on Marshall, we set up the caviar and brie right next to the keg.
1. Use the phrase “party foul.” Enough said.
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