Today there was a new voice inside my head, one which I didn’t recognize from the usual plethora of mindless chittering that usually spreads itself within my mind. Made curious by this newcomer, I set about a bit of introspection to better acquaint myself with it. It was upon beginning this attempted reflection that I began listening to what the voice was saying, and it was upon hearing fully what the voice was saying, that I began to become concerned.

“Shave it!” “Shave it!” “Shavvvvvvveeeeeee it off!” This was a very foreign voice indeed, never before had any aspect of my personality taken so great an offense to my hair as to want to shave it off entirely. Certainly, there must have been some mistake, I know that my haircut wasn’t great but—

It was upon calling the image of the haircut to my mind that a sudden realization about the voice occurred to me. Thinking about the haircut made the voice grow louder, as though the source was being brought into focus. Following the voice back now through its booming and repetitive message, I found the source. The hairs upon my head had gained footing, they had merged during the process of my most recent haircut, and now they wanted to be shaved.

At this, I engaged the haircut’s voice in conversation. I asked what brought their voice into my head on this day, but I heard no response save the repeated “Shave, shave, shave.” I asked about its state of being, I asked about its comfort atop my head, I even asked it if the shampoo was of an agreeable brand, yet still no reply did I receive. Finally, I asked it directly “Why do you so wish to be shaved??”

At this, there came a pause from the hair’s voice. Instead of its near rhythmic drumming giving the command to shave, it seemed almost to hum for a moment, before the shouting condensed into one voice, a smaller voice, but a strong voice. It said to me, “It is not us we wish to be shaved… it is the beard.” And with that, the war began.

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