Don’t you love the people who take pity on your cruddy old shoes?  

Politely asking if you have hit the financial blues?

What about the horrified look they give when you tell them that,

To you,

Your beloved footwear is in perfect condition?

Too stunned to interrupt your rendition.  

You spill your side of the tale,

using only the best direct quotes

and quite literal footnotes.  

See that hole right there?  

That one just sprouted around midday.  

I decided to climb the side of the campus center.  

I made it to the top,

Yes,

I made it all the way.  

But my sneaker snagged the corner of the ledge,

the awning that covers you as you enter.  

And do you see how the color is all faded?

That’s where my lab partner dropped our beaker full of bubbling goop.  

And the torn and mangled heel?

That’s from the turkeys I encountered on the track—

they chased me loop after loop.

No, seriously I’m being for real.

And don’t you love the purple separating soles?

The rubber seal split after the first freshman bit.  

So my shoes are in perfect condition.  

Don’t you see the adventure in their state of self-demolition?

Oh, and by the way,

I like your shoes.  

They look very …  

Clean.

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