Beirut (bay-root): 1. n. capital city of Lebanon; 2. n. established weekend pastime at Fairfield University townhouses. See also “beer pong”.
Now, before this column can continue, I must make this abundantly clear: BEIRUT TABLES ARE ILLEGAL IN FAIRFIELD UNIVERSITY STUDENT RESIDENCES. And because only good little boys and girls attend Fairfield U., there is not a Beirut table to be found on campus. None. Not a one. Zero. Zilch. In the immortal words of Mike Rubin, “Riiiiiiight…”.
I decided to examine the origin of Beirut in order to better understand why it is so popular not only on this campus, but many others as well. Through long and arduous research, I was able to discover how it all began….
The year was 1964. There was a party. Beer was low. Two college students went into the basement seeking more ale when in the chaos of the festivities they were locked downstairs. After their pitiful cries were ignored, they decided they had better find some way to amuse themselves, since it was definitely going to be a long night. Armed with half a stick of beef jerky and their questionable wits, they surveyed the basement in an effort to find something to pass the time. After a few minutes, they had come up with a piece of plywood, two sawhorses, twelve plastic cups, a dirty ping-pong ball and a dead rat. After they tired of poking the dead rat with the beef jerky, they turned their attention to the remaining materials, and with a little good, old-fashioned drunken American ingenuity, a game, nay, a legacy was born.*
But why the name Beirut? Why not Moscow, or Berlin? The answer is: drunk people don’t really know what they are saying or why.
The basic structure of the game has remained the same since that fateful night. Each player assembles 6 or 10 (depending on house rules) cups into triangles in front of them, partially fills each with beer, and attempts to sink a ping-pong ball into their opponent’s cups, causing the opponent to drink and lose a cup if the ping-pong ball hits its mark. The player or team who loses all of their cups first loses the game (though some would argue that they have truly won). There are other details and nuances to the game, but they vary according to house rules (i.e. House A states: “Losers must also finish their opponents’ beer; however, House B states: “The losing team does not have to drink the winners’ beer because the winners want to drink, too—rather, the losers’ punishment is decided on by the winning team as they gloat and make fun of the losers for sucking”). Some play on a plain piece of plywood; others spend time artfully crafting the perfect table, perhaps painting a mermaid in the center…at other schools because we have already established that there is absolutely no Beirut on Fairfield University’s campus.
Why is the game so popular with young people today? I sat down with an anonymous student to find the answer:
ME: Okay, so why do you play Beirut every weekend, you silly little lush?
ANONYMOUS STUDENT: ‘Cause I’m good at it.
There you have it. It is because of the pride in skill and showmanship, and not the alcohol as some cynics would have you believe, that the game has endured and strengthened. Eat, drink and be merry…but not too merry, or security’s attention may be drawn to you and that unregistered keg in your fully furnished basement.
*Dramatization. And by dramatization, I mean entirely made-up.
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