A young kid is magically transformed into an adult and must grapple with the tough decisions that coincide with adulthood, most notably the trials of love. Sound familiar? The lawyers representing the Tom Hanks’ film “Big” would certainly agree.
Even so, “13 Going on 30” still had potential because unlike Josh in “Big”, Jenna Rink (Jennifer Garner) does not just grow up overnight. Instead, she loses 17 years of her life as she leaps from 13 to 30 and discovers that in those lost years, she has gone from an innocent teen to a heartless businesswoman.
Like “Big”, “13” even has its own musical number (perhaps the only entertaining scene in the entire movie). Instead of dancing across oversized piano keys, Jenna leads a team of enthusiastic dancers to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.
However, with the recycled ideas and careless writing, “13” fails to make any innovations on the “kid stuck in adult body” genre, leaving the audience with an unsatisfied feeling of déjà vu.
The year is 1987. Side ponytails are all the rage, legwarmers are not yet a fashion faux pas and Michael Jackson is still black. After being ditched by the cool crowd at her own thirteenth birthday party, young Jenna (Christa B. Allen) decides all she wants is to fast-forward into adulthood.
Her geeky but loyal friend Matt Flamhaff (Sean Marquette) grants her wish by sprinkling her with mysterious (and never explained) wishing dust.
The next thing you know, it’s 2004.
Jenna wakes up in a strange apartment, with – gasp! – a naked man in her shower. She freaks out and stumbles onto the streets of New York City wearing just lingerie, only to be whisked off to work in a town car.
Her best friend and co-worker, Lucy (Judy Greer), is none other than the most popular girl in the entire school who only a few scenes earlier convinced everyone to leave young Jenna’s birthday party.
One would think that with all the technological advances of the past 17 years, a world dominated by computers and hand-held technology would overwhelm Jenna. However, with the exception of a ringing cell phone that frightens her, she is completely adjusted to the 2000s.
In fact, it’s the wonders of the adult body that fascinates her more than the bustling setting of New York City. “You have arm hair!” she exclaims to Matt (adult version played by Mark Ruffalo) in one pivotal romantic scene, completely killing any attempt at the dramatic and edging the film further into the ridiculous.
And of course when Jenna arrives at Matt’s doorstep for the first time in 17 years, he is willing to drop everything – including a fiancé – for a second chance with her.
The poor romantic fool seems to forget that she alienated and abandoned him all throughout high school because of her own selfish desire to be popular.
These are just a sampling of the many loopholes that reveal the shoddy writing and borderline nonsensical plot.
The only redeeming factor of this movie is Ruffalo’s performance as a believable sap who forces Jenna to reevaluate her selfish ways.
Garner’s performance, on the other hand, is so one-dimensional that her character seems like a cartoon at times. If I had to listen to her exclaim “Oh gross!” about men just once more, I probably would have thrown something.
Naturally, when Jenna’s life becomes a mess (she loses both her high-powered job and the love of her life), she closes her eyes, wishes real hard, and miraculously becomes thirteen again. A second chance at life! Wow, didn’t see that one coming.
So please, despite the urgings of your little sister, avoid wasting your money on this horribly predictable preteen mess, because although the utter boredom will sober you up, you will never get those 97 minutes of your own life back.
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