As the summer nights come to an end, and students begin settling in at Fairfield, the question arises: which of the drunken holy trinity of mistakes is worst: texting, dialing, or facebooking.
I don’t know what girls hate more: waking up to a late night text full of gibberish or seeing Chris Simmons at The Point in a Speedo.
There are few similarities all Fairfield guys have in common. The first: we are all young, dumb, and full of (you know where I am going). The other is we all have had our share of sloppy, late night texts. Trust me, as a chronic drunk texter, (just ask A.T.), I’m here to tell you it’s not as bad as waking up to a two after you thought she was an eight with your goggles on the night before.
But when the tides turn, and that young fawn sends you that text after 1 a.m., it only means one thing: Yahtzee. Guys, it is easier than fishing with dynamite. Basically her text is, as Seth from ‘Superbad’ said it so elegantly, “Mom’s making a pubey salad and I need some Seth’s home dressing”.
However, if all else fails, usually the most devastating possibility can occur: Drunk Facebooking. So in this instance, after you couldn’t seal the deal, you decide to go back to your room and check out the latest girl on girl action on Redtube.
But before you do this, you want check out if anything new is going down on the book. The first thing you come across is that the cute blonde from your math class posted a new album, and the creeping begins. You see, the best part about Facebook is you can creep all you want without getting caught (for the most part). But this time you decide to post a comment on her photo posted two years ago. Not only does she see your mistake, but her friends and your friends do too. And to make matters worst, your buddy’s mom, who you friended two weeks ago as a joke, goes on Facebook the next morning to her news feed saying your comment of telling that girl her a** looked great in that skirt.
At least when you drunk dial or text her, her group of friends and family usually don’t find out. That’s why in this drunken three sums of mistakes, the drunken Facebook tops the list.
P.S. – Freshmen girls, do not listen to any senior girls that peaked in high school, you are more than welcome at the beach.
Leave a Reply