My experience of Thanksgiving restores the old American notion of patriarchy. The women labor in the kitchen and prepare a feast while men lounge around and watch America’s number one sport: football.
Thanksgiving, appropriately named, is a time to give thanks, and this is what we should all be thankful for this year.
Playing football: Nothing beats tossin’ the old pigskin around with your family and friends. Things get heated once those turkey bowl games get underway and Uncle Bill starts cheating. Uncle Bill, it’s not 1984 anymore. You’re more washed up than Pauly Shore. Who said winning isn’t everything? If you aren’t first, you’re last.
Football on TV: Once the meal and family time are over, grab a piece of pumpkin pie and get ready for the real fun to begin. The Lions are actually a good team this year, and Favre and the Packers are back. You thought you devoured everything in sight, but just wait for the Cowboys to feast on the Jets. And please tell me John Madden isn’t announcing this year. He needs to get hit by his own bus. Boom.
Thanksgiving Eve, AKA the biggest drinking night of the year: St. Patrick’s day is pretty sloppy but on Nov. 21, the Irish learn who really knows how to party: Americans … because we are in America.
The “Back to the Future” marathon on TBS: The DeLorean is great, but hopefully the tryptophan will kick in as soon as II ends and III begins. That Wild West might be worse than the Will Smith movie.
Stags basketball: Our season is finally here. The Stags might feel like mashed potatoes after their non-conference schedule is over, but once the MAAC season starts, it will be all gravy.
Also let’s be thankful that for at least another year we will have a male president. Now relax, it’s not women I dislike, it’s Hillary. So what if I’m bitter that she’s a New York senator and she’s not even from there. On the other hand, if she does win, Bill would be back in the White House getting his saxophone played by the interns. And this time it wouldn’t be an obstruction of justice.
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