Fairfield guys are so childish. All they do is lie to you until they get what they want in the bedroom, and then they don’t bother to talk to you anymore. I’m so sick of their behavior. I want a real man, not a college boy.
A real man will treat me with respect, and he will give me unlimited access to his platinum card. There is no better way for him to show me that he loves me than letting me buy whatever I want. Money equals love, and I’m worth it, right?
I want a man with a real car too, not these pieces of crap that I see boys driving around on campus. There’s no way I could be seen driving around with a guy in an Elantra, I want a man with a BMW five series or better.
I want a guy that will take me out on weekends, not to his meathead rugby player friend’s keg parties. My idea of a good time does not involve hanging around a bunch of sleazy freshman girls.
Instead, we should be going out to a nice dinner, or better yet, a play in the city. If he’s short on money then he better ask his parents, because I’m not paying. Besides, parents love giving their kids money. That’s how I’m able to spend $40 every night at the Grape.
I need a guy with a good taste in movies. Too many guys around here like gross violent movies such as Braveheart and Scarface. My kind of man is willing to sit through anything with Hugh Grant, Matthew McConaughey or Reese Witherspoon in it in order to make me happy. Did you see “Legally Blonde 2?” Oh my God I loved it.
I also want a man that has only been with one or two girls in his life, and he has to have been in love with them. It’s so gross that these immature Fairfield boys will sleep with anything with a hole and a heartbeat.
Speaking of the bedroom, I want a man who can perform like a porn star in bed, even though he’s only been with one other girl. Fifteen minutes is no good for me, I need a man with girth who can last for hours and who is up for seconds and thirds if I want it.
He better not even think that I’m going down on him either, because I stopped doing that Freshman year after all of those upperclassmen guys tricked me.
I also want to tape our raunchy sessions, like Pam and Tommy. I’ll even let him show all of his friends.
So Fairfield boys, listen up. . . I am so done with you. Go back to your binge drinking and loose women; I’ll be looking for the real men at this school.
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