You wake up, snuggled in the nook created by your bed and the wall, with the telltale signs of a hangover coming on. You turn over, and as you stretch and open your eyes, you notice the shape of a body underneath your blanket (THAT’S why you were shivering all night!). You think, “$’@%! What did I do?”
You poke at the body, hoping to wake him from his sound sleep (the one that you didn’t have) partially to get him up and out of your house, and partially so you can figure out who the hell he is. You also want to steal your blanket back but stop yourself because you are afraid of what it will reveal: what he is or isn’t wearing (which could indicate what you did or didn’t do) or if he’s the guy you’ll be sitting next to in an hour during your 8 a.m. psych class. Can you relate? Yes. Is it acceptable? Only because you are soooo college. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Morning After.
Since this scenario is familiar to so many of us, I am willing to share some advice for dealing with the unpleasantness that follows a Katherine Heigl/Seth Rogen-like night.
1. Make sure you and your boy toy are geographically compatible. If it requires hopping on the ever-so-unreliable Stag Bus to get to him, turn around, you’ve gone too far. Sorry, Dolans, you won’t be hooking up with any Clavers this year.
2. Small talk is a no-no. Anything that you could even think to ask him that early in the morning (because you’ll obviously wake up at the crack of dawn) was probably covered in conversation the night before (not that you would remember). It’s awkward no matter what, so don’t even try. And his morning breath? Enough said.
3. When selecting your outfit pre-bar, keep in mind your possible plans for the evening. Going home with the girls? Put on your highest heels. Planning on seducing that soccer stud? Those heels will get you to his room, but do you really want to run across campus at 8 o’clock on Friday morning in them? We can all spot a Morning After girl, so keep it simple and stick with flats.
4. And finally, ladies, if you find yourself waking up at the beach – hopefully not with that guy down by the third hump – with a killer headache and a hickey the size of New York on your neck, call a cab ASAP … oh wait, good luck getting cell phone service.
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