Hello fellow Stags, my name is Joe McConville and I am the voice of iPhone guy for the next year.  For the large majority of you who don’t know me, I’ll give you a short summary of who I am.  I am a freshman business major living in Regis Hall from the southern part of Massachusetts, pretty much in Rhode Island.  I love the double quarter pounder from the Stag and live my life by the 15 flavors of Vitamin Water.

There is one object that never leaves the side of almost 95 percent of every young adult under the age of 25.  While those numbers were completely taken off the top of my head, the object is no doubt in your pocket, purse, backpack, or anywhere within three feet of your person.  If you have not figured it out by now, the object in question is your cellphone.  To some it may be a ball-and-chain, but others cling to it like a lost soul trapped on a life-raft on a stormy sea.  Take those metaphors to the bank.

I’d actually be afraid if my phone started to talk to me.  Barring the fact that an inanimate object addressed me, I’d be scared of what it would think.  First off, my phone would probably check me into anger management because I love using caps-lock. NOTHING LIKE TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS NO MATTER WHAT YOU’RE SAYING.  PANCAKES ARE BETTER THAN WAFFLES.

Look at that – tactical use of caps-lock right there. It’d also say to get my life in order. My phone would then move on to tell me that I need to get organized. My phone is a shmorgishborg (Yes, that is a word. Urban Dictionary said so.) of apps that are scattered everywhere with no regard to anything. My phone would probably judge me. A lot. I’m just a guy trying to have a good time.

Blackberry girl came up with the idea for this topic when she started quizzing me on my texting habits, which, by the way, tend to be like those of a 15-year-old high school girl.  I explained to her in an educated manner that girls and guys use their phones for completely different purposes.

In my research, I have noticed that girls tend to use their phones as portable instant-messaging machines.  Guys, on the other hand, seem to use them to get across quick bits of information like, “Hey man, study-sesh at 7?”  The one exception is when the two are texting one another.  Suddenly, the classic college bro is dropping smiley faces like it’s his job.

Fact: girls love smiley faces.  Fact: if any guy ever sends me a smiley face I will attack him verbally.  I can’t stand the people who talk in what some refer to as “IM-Speak.”  This is completely useless and actually takes more time to figure out what is trying to be said.  LOL IMAG1N3 1F I WR0T3 L1KE TH15. I actually lose brain cells trying to decipher a text.  Since when does “omw” mean “on my way”?  I guess I should end this rant before I start ROFL’ing all over the place, Gtg ttyl!


Sent from my iPhone

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