She said: New year, New meat

As incoming freshmen, the newly accepted college females experience a number of underlying concerns as they begin their collegiate memoirs. From academic challenges to life away from home, comfort soon turns to distress and they yearn for the day when the anxiety will subside. Despite their worries, one of the most intimidating matters a freshman girl must deal with is not social acceptance from fellow freshmen but from upperclassmen. Regardless of rumors which have circulated over the years that upperclassmen have an aversion toward freshmen, I have decided to break down the social complexity by sex and tell you how we look upon your newly implemented existence.

As you can see the title of this article is New Year, New Meat, and this is how the upperclassmen male regards you. Since you’re a newbie to Fairfield, nervous to fit in and extremely naïve, college men will often thrive off of these circumstances knowing that you will give them the attention they crave. From wearing ID lanyards around your neck to traveling in packs of 30, freshman girls are as identifiable as a sweatshirt in a nudist colony. Speaking of nude-and attempting to be tasteful-if your upperclassmen stud attempts to take you back to his place before the first day of autumn, question his motives and this poster which can be seen in a number of senior male houses: “Freshmen girls, get ’em while they’re skinny”-why do you think he saved his core classes for senior year?

On the other side of the spectrum are us upperclassmen females who do not personally dislike you but will not sympathize with the damsel in distress acts you portray because we see through them. We are not your personal campus tour guides, so if you can’t find the library, get a map, or even better, sign up for a campus tour, they run daily. Keep in mind that the male to female ratio is somewhere around 40:60 and it is safe to say that the majority of parties you attend will be hosted by an upperclassmen female. Remember that it is a privilege, not a necessity, for freshmen girls to be invited into our homes, so please have the decency to respect them (I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one), and problems should not ensue.