As I read my She Said acceptance letter, I had one question in mind-who the hell is Brian Larkin? I recapped the past three years and found it hard to believe that from organizational involvement to drunken socialization there was a senior I had never met nor heard of. Even so, I know it was imperative for me to contact him, so I did what any college female my age would do in this situation: I facebooked him.
The Facebook has become the epitome of noninvasive stalking and in my case, as well as others, an extremely useful tool in getting to secretly know someone. You’ll never forget a birthday, need to ask for a home address or wonder what your secret crush is doing at 2 p.m. Monday afternoon (RS220; DMH240). For that I have one thing to say: Thank you. Nonetheless, despite minor stalking privileges, birthday reminders and innocent flirting, I have noticed that numerous students have taken the Facebook to a whole new level, examples to follow.
In the superficial bubble of Fairfield University, the picture in your Facebook profile is undoubtedly the most significant aspect… Remember that as hot as you may think you are, you are not a model. From bikini-clad girls to shirtless guys, this is the Facebook for crying out loud, not the f–book. Is your personality so boring that you must divert all our attention away from your profile and onto your image?
Concerning your “friends,” keep in mind that a true friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night for a ride home because you spent your taxi money on strippers. I don’t think that Jane Doe who you never saw outside of EN11 class is willing to pick you up at 3 a.m. Do you? Or how about that Brad Pitt look-alike you hooked up with at the bar three months prior when your beer goggle vision would have been diagnosed as legally blind? He’s not picking up his phone either. But they are classified as “friends” because having 254 friends on the Facebook makes you feel socially acceptable.
I would like to reiterate the fact that the Facebook is meant as a procrastination tool rather than your own personal billboard. With that in mind, stop poking people and get a hobby. Maybe someone should start a Facebook club?
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