A couple of times recently, my boyfriend and best friend have danced together in my room… when we were the only three around. Should I be worried about behavior like this?
-He’s a dancing machine… but not with me
Ah, so it’s not the same old bump and grind.
A couple of issues come to mind here, but not completely just about the dancing. The first is trust. Do you trust each other enough to know that you’ll remain faithful to one another? More specifically, do you think he’d dance with someone in the same room as you if he was interested in her? I doubt that a guy would try to dump you by dancing with the only other girl in the room. That would be like dropping an anvil out of the window onto your head – unlikely and something that probably won’t happen, unless you’re Wile E. Coyote.
The second issue is jealousy. While it’s fair, and sometimes even healthy in a relationship to have a little bit of jealousy, both sides have to watch themselves just a little bit to ensure that jealousy doesn’t cause problems. Too many relationships have broken up Jerry Springer style because of misplaced jealousy. It helps to check jealousy in the overhead compartment.
Don’t worry about something like that. If it really is a problem, you’ll know it, but this sounds like it’s a little premature.
When I go to a bar with my boyfriend and my best friend, my best friend is always flirting with my significant other. Should I be concerned?
-Flirting with disaster?
See my answer above. These were sent in around the same time, but odd how they’re so close.
The jealousy and trust issues remain the same, but I would like to add something. In a previous column, I mentioned that flirting with friends when you know it can’t go anywhere can be a lot of fun. You’re in a relationship with the SO, and your friend is flirting with him. It’s really not a big deal – some people just have good rapport like that where they can flirt, shoot comments back and forth at each other and just leave it at that.
That’s where checking the jealousy at the curb goes in. Flirting is not cheating anymore than walking fast is running, unless you’re worried about the girl stealing his attention now and then… ooh, jealousy. Unless you see them going behind a closed door when you’re entering the bathroom, then you’re OK.
I’m currently in a long distance relationship. I met someone recently who I’m interested in as well, but that would also be a long distance relationship, but in a different area. That raised an interesting question – should the area code rule hold true?
-Dating machine
Someone’s listened to Ludacris albums one too many times. “I’ve got [bleeps] in different area codes”… Oh, you gotta love the paper’s censors.
Overall, it’s not a very good idea. If you’re considering a relationship with someone else, then the one you’re in right now can’t be good enough. Unless you’re trying to have your cake and eat it too, in which at some point you’ll have the negative of one of them finding out about the other, whether you admit it or they find out somehow. Not good in any direction.
If things are good in your current relationship, it’s probably a good idea to skip the second opportunity. If the first relationship is bad, just hit the escape button and then give the second guy a shot. But don’t string one along and see where the second goes – it will make things difficult later and you’ll wish you hadn’t even asked me this question. Good luck, and thanks for asking.
Have a question you want answered? E-mail joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com and he may answer your question in a future A Word of Advice. Questions are answered every Monday and Thursday. All questions answered in the column were submitted by college-age students and may have been edited for length and/or content.
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