While sitting around on a Saturday night, the writers of this column were amazed to notice something on the can of Red Dog beer. It is brewed by Plank Road, the same company that brews Ice House, perhaps the tastiest and most delectable way to have 5.5 percent alcohol by volume. And so inspiration struck and we decided to consider the finest of the cheapest.
First is the prince among beers, Natural Ice or Light – “Natty.” What a refreshing, anytime beverage – whether it be to start off a Friday night, clear a dry throat Saturday morning, or forget about an exam after a rough Monday afternoon, Natural Ice is always there in the clutch, it’s only Natural that you consume it in large quantities and have a great time doing it.
Next we have a runner up that’s not Gerry’s preference but Chris always picks up a few while purchasing nutrients at Stop ‘ Shop (part of his nutrients, detriments policy.) This is one of the great pounding social beverages, our old buddy Keystone. When you wanna’ rock, grab a Keystone, the case race for beers. It’s light, like water, but healthier, and keeps on flowing.
Speaking of flowing, let’s move on to the reigning king of this campus’ parties that can’t make up their mind between cheap and expensive – Busch/Busch Light. The Busch is always tasty, foamy and never leaves remnants behind on your head in the morning. Always a great night in the Busch.
Moving on to Milwaukee’s Best, or affectionately called by victims, the “Beast.” As many people know, this beer is only for the strong of heart, mind and will. But if you can enjoy this animal, he will always pick you up, and keep you there till well into the following afternoon. (Doctor’s note: do not drink less than six at once.)
There’s an old man making a comeback that only rivals that of Rocky V and that man’s name is Pabst. Need I say more about this wonderfully smooth treat that goes best bottled and everyday of the week? Pabst is becoming popular in our market for the quantity that can be purchased at a reasonable price. The good people of Providence College knew about this brew for some time, and finally it has come to conquer the Tri-State area.
Onto the Champagne of Beers – and by champagne we mean one of those $2 bottles – Miller High Life. While not a great contender here on campus, please read the advertisement. Respect. Speaking of respect, we must respect the people that make 40ozs. What better way to enjoy three and a half beers than out of one resealable container?
There’s varying degrees of 40ozs, but may I suggest a nice Old English, Vintage: 1981. If you don’t fancy a 40oz of non-traditional lager, but you want more than one, I suggest you reach for a Schaefer, a thicker beer with a smooth after taste. I usually make this the late night finisher and they are available for about 4 cents an ounce at Larson’s and other fine and reputable liquor pavilions.
Now let’s just list some situational beer drinking to get you in the right mood for whenever you are bored enough to read this nonsense.
It’s Monday night, you’ve just had two finals like me and are pressed for getting some applications done because real life starts real soon, and so what’s the beer of choice? Something smooth, refreshing and cold to relax the muscles in your brain for a long night of thinking. The answer is Natty, of course.
What finer beer than Natural Ice to smooth out the night and accomplish the beginning of the week’s tasks.
Tuesday, what goes with Tuesday other than the prospect of Wednesday schoolwork, classes, and meetings? So Tuesday requires something with a bit more punch, that’s when it is time for the 40oz. Think economically.
Situational thinking is the only way to know what you should be drinking. It’s this sort of thinking that gave us all Thirsty Thursday. Who isn’t in the mood for pounding a few back and sleeping through Friday to start the weekend off right?
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