When Jonas Stankovich ’10 had a secret to tell his friends, he was worried about how they would react. But when he told them that he was gay, their understanding reflected an increasing trend of acceptance within the Fairfield community.
“I am really lucky to have my group of close friends because I know students who transferred out and then became open,” he said. “It is easy to feel like you are under attack.”
Stankovich said that, aside from support of his friends, Fr. Jim Bowler and Fr. Jim Mayzik have been mentors for him.
Mayzik, chair of the new media program and director of the Ignatian Residential College of which Stankovich is a resident, said that students at Jesuit schools have always been accepting of others.
He said he was amazed at how readily Stankovich’s friends were there for him when he came out.
Michael Cicirelli ’10, another gay student, agreed with Stankovich and said that the student body holds a diverse range of opinions on sexuality.
“This campus is not, from what I can see, unaccepting,” said Cicirelli. “I just think it hasn’t had the diverse exposure that is appropriate for further student development.”
Cicirelli said that, while there are few “negative interactions between the gay and straight communities,” that does not mean that the education and etiquette among the students is sub-par.
“Our student body needs to come a long way … and really gain a better understanding of who we are and what we stand for,” said Cicirelli.
According to Stankovich, the University does not talk about homosexuality as much as he would like, but it has made great improvements.
He stated such improvements as a rainbow flag in the BCC on “coming out” day, the counseling department becoming accessible and University President Fr. Jeffrey von Arx working with the faculty on being supportive and understanding.
One of the more visible catalysts in promoting understanding and acceptance was The Collegiate Closet, a policy report written by members of the Student Diversity Project.
David Gudelunas, assistant professor of communications, served on the preparation committee for the report.
“I feel we were able to raise awareness about gay and lesbian students and the issues they face on campus,” said Gudelunas. “I am happy to say that a lot of campus administrators, students and staff are already carrying out some of our proposals.”
Gudelunas said that the school has come a long way in becoming a more gay- and lesbian- friendly campus.
“I have yet to meet an administrator or another faculty member who is outwardly homophobic and I think, in that regard, we are a lot better off than a lot of other universities,” he said.
Gudelunas said he hopes that students do not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation because that is a basic matter of human rights and something that should be learned during one’s time at Fairfield.
According to Stankovich, there is now a visible gay community with such organizations as Alliance, an association formed to promote interaction heterosexual and homosexual students.
Stankovich, who is a rising leader within the organization, said Alliance has anywhere from a dozen to 20 members.
Alliance sponsored last week’s Gender Bender Ball in which students dressed as the opposite sex. The organization also sponsored National Coming-Out Day in October and a Day of Silence, in which the members do not speak during the day to pay tribute to those in the closet.
“It has been bigger this year because a number of RAs have attended the meetings and showed support,” said Stankovich.
Loyola Hall RA AJ Piper ’08 said, “It was during RA training when Mike [Cicirelli], stood up to give a statement. … It was then that I realized I support this community and need to show my support.”
Piper said he has since attended Alliance meetings as one of the few straight males, and feels close with the community.
“It is so great that they have a group of individuals that understand them,” he said.
Cicirelli said that Alliance provides resources to students on campus who are just making the transition into the gay community while helping older members further their cause and meet similar people.
That initial transition can be the most complicated part of creating an open-minded community. Mayzik said a college experience helped him find that understanding.
“When I was at Georgetown for my undergrad, I used to play a practical joke on my friends by hiding in the closets of their rooms,” said Mayzik. “But one day I was in a room of one my friends, and his roommate, who I didn’t know, was in there and he started talking about how he was gay.”
Mayzik then jumped out of the closet and scared the fellow Hoya student. The student would later approach Mayzik and ask him what he had heard.
According to Mayzik, the student was going to come out and had not because he was afraid that too many people knew he was gay. He felt he had to talk to someone first, and Mayzik was there.
“My eyes were open to the pain of his life,” said Mayzik. “I promised him I would not tell anyone [and] he told me how he had tried to be heterosexual and he couldn’t.”
Mayzik said he does not believe it is a choice, anyway.
“The church teaches you to be accepting of all people, and the Jesuits echo that,” he said. But Mayzik did say the Church views a physical act of someone with the same sex in a different way.
“There is a clear direction and purpose for sex … clearly made for procreation, which means that premarital sex is also disorderly in the eyes of the Church,” Mayzik said.
Stankovich and Mayzik agree that the Jesuits hold a more accepting view than the Vatican.
“The Jesuits will tell you, and I will tell you, we are part of the Church, but Jesuits tend to be less doctrinarian because they are involved in academic world,” Mayzik said.
In a press conference earlier in the semester, von Arx said, “We [the University] welcome gay and lesbian students, and the Catholic Church is to be welcoming. I think that we have a particular responsibility to have students of all sexual orientations.”
Mayzik explained that the Ignatian Residential College was a great place for Stankovich to spend his sophomore year.
“In Loyola, we tackle questions such as, ‘Who am I, whose am I and who am I called to be?’ and these are important questions to be answered in the understanding of everyone,” said Mayzik.
Cicirelli agreed, saying that his lifestyle should not be the subject of society.
“Who I choose to love and have my children with are not the concerns of others in society,” he said. “Judge me on how I shake your hand and how well I engage in a conversation. Judge me on my education and what new concepts I bring to the table, not on my sexual orientation.”
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