Before a rather meek Senate passed President Bush’s resolution, his mantra with respect to invading Iraq was, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…” But, now that the Legislative branch has given him what he wants it has become, “I know I can! I know I can!” Spineless Democrats, appeasing Republicans and an apathetic country have justified the Bush Doctrine of pre-emptive attacks.
As you sit in your American politics class either staring out the window or rummaging around in your mind for excuses as to why your paper “mysteriously” disappeared, the impending war in Iraq is probably the last thing that comes to mind.
Ah, Fairfield University students: rich, pampered, and SUV equipped! Hmm, now maybe that last bit is the kicker. You may think to yourself yes, I am rich, pampered, and I DO drive an SUV. (It is more than likely a 19 foot behemoth that you can hardly maneuver without nearly striking elderly women crossing the street.)
Now, another thought comes to mind. A record two thoughts! SUV’s require gasoline, lots of it, and that gasoline comes from the Middle East! IRAQ IS IN THE MIDDLE EAST! Now, if you’re a female and you think back on that time I happened to take you out, for our first and only date, you may remember how I mentioned that Dick Cheney (the Vice-President) ran a company called Halliburton and they rebuilt the oil fields in Iraq after the 1990 war. Halliburton smuggled oil out ever since. It was an exciting date indeed!
Could it be that Dubya and his collective mind, i.e. Dick Cheney, are concerned with cheap oil? Hardly! He’s the president and therefore he must be pretty smart right? Sure he went to Yale, smoked crack, drank a whole lot, and then ran an oil company and a baseball team into the ground. Plus they’re both oil men, so haven’t they gotten their fill of oil? Dubya’s just the man I want with his finger on the button!
The simple fact is if this country wasn’t so oil-obsessed we wouldn’t be in half the mess we’re in regarding the Middle East. Currently, I am retrofitting my 70′ Dodge with solar panels and a racing stripe. (The latter to attract more women.) I encourage you to take similar steps. Don’t worry though, we might go to war. It really won’t affect you until you hit the pumps and Connecticut’s already obscene gas prices jump another $1.00. Then you’ll be fighting like hell to end the war.
What have we learned? In the end you likely don’t know much about Iraq, the President doesn’t know much more, and the little I know is not very valueable. (Racing stripes attract the girls, stacks of the New York Times teeming with silverfish don’t.) Really, eat, drink, be merry—and bomb the hell out of them!
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