Note from the editor: This is the questionable content that caused the Mirror orientation issue to be censored by the administration and pulled off stands.
You’re relaxing on the egg crate of your unmade bed in your snazzy new dorm room complete with chili pepper string lights when suddenly it hits you: you can do whatever you want. You are an independent woman now!
If you’re at all like me, you took this moment to jump on the bed, stand dangerously close to an operating microwave, and listen to “In Da Club” at an inappropriate volume because you’re 18, you’re horrendously immature, and your parents aren’t there to yell at you. Welcome to freshman year.
But like all great things in life, there is always the good and the bad. Here’s the lowdown on being a freshman girl at FU.
Pro: The prowl for bo-hunks is made easy when you’re sporting the title of “frosh.” Freshmen girls get to enjoy the upperclassmen’s unfounded notion that they will get to corrupt you. Thus, freshman girls can expect to have sweet nothing’s whispered in your ears while a strapping young junior or senior gentlemen escorts you to the keg. Full solo cups and heavy flirtation for one year is a definite pro to being a freshman girl. So take advantage because when you come back as a sophomore you might as well have crows’ feet and saggy grandma boobs to upperclassmen boys.
Con: In addition to picking up some studs, be prepared to pack on that freshmen 15 (or for some of us maybe 23. No judging please). Blame it on the booze, Mike’s, or Barone, but plan on refiguring your next spring wardrobe. My best advice is to find a flattering facebook picture of yourself early on in the year and stick with it…giving friends from home the illusion that you’ve maintained your svelte high school bod.
Pro: It’s a new you! Forget being called Nasty Nancy or Debbie Downer! High school is over and for all you dorks out there this means it’s time to reinvent yourself. No one here needs to know about the time you peed your pants in school in fourth grade or the time you accidentally dated your cousin (no judging please). It’s all in the past! Congratulations missy, you get a fresh start.
Con: Never in your life have you ever experienced the burning glare that a junior or senior girl can give you when you walk into one of their parties. I’m still waiting to be pulled out of class one day to go to the secret underground orientation where they will teach me how to do this because it seems all senior girls have mastered it. Senior stud boy may have told you to meet him at a beach house with a couple of your gal pals, but it sure doesn’t seem like he’s informed the hostess. Be prepared for a death stare that could literally melt plastic.
Final piece of advice: 1) Give your new roommate a grace period of at least two weeks before you start asking her to find other accommodations while you entertain gentlemen callers. 2) Tater tots and root beer are unquestionably the best cure for hangover. 3) Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (wink!).
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