The current semester flew by so fast that I had hardly realized it was December, until I was tipped off this weekend by HBO’s showing of the Christmas classic “Jingle All The Way” for three consecutive days. December brings the advent of the Christmas season, and what would the Christmas season be without a steroid abusing Austrian-turned-Governor shouting “It’s Turbo Time!” and pummeling the likes of Sinbad?
The Christmas season also brings us a small gift from school; finals, the equivalent of receiving socks and having to act like you wanted this crap-tacular gift.
Since this BS has become too much to ask of me lately, I’ve been foregoing studying for my finals to think up my own dirty Christmas carols, which proved to me two things: 1) I have no life and 2) The underlying reason I’ve been thinking of dirty euphemisms to insert into the chorus of “Santa Clause is Coming to Town” is that I cannot stand Christmas carols.
If there was one part of Christmas I would love to do away with, it would be the carols. I established my anti-carol position early in my life when I sang the “Batman Smells” version of Jingle Bells at my first grade Christmas concert and was asked to leave the stage.
My hate of these carols even extends to the artists who sing them. I simply cannot stand the likes of Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole and their Christmas carol singing shenanigans, and if these men weren’t both dead, I’d suggest to them a place where they could stick their Christmas carol CDs and offer to help them do so forcefully.
The Christmas season isn’t all bad. We’ll all receive the long-desired Christmas break and get to relax in the comforts of our own home, comforts we’ll be dying to break free of after a week in favor or returning to the debauchery of Camp Fairfield. We’ll get together with our friends and see who asked for the coolest Christmas present (I asked for a Turbo Man doll).
Following the tradition that all stories Christmas-related must end sappily, I hope everyone makes it through this semester’s finals alive and enjoys themselves over break. I’ll see everyone in ’07.
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