Have you ever been on a tour of Fairfield University? One thing they don’t show you is the graveyard in the basement of the Rec Plex. If you go to the gym a lot you realize how disgusting it is. For those of you who don’t, it’s basically a pile of rusting equipment thrown into a dungeon. A literal dungeon. Everything you touch is covered in a thick layer of orange dust that covers your hands. It’s so bad that tour guides for the University are told to not take tours down to the weight room.
When you leave this excuse for a gym, a fine orange dust will coat your clothing and hands, making you look like you just led genocide against a tribe of Oompa Loompas. Forget spray tanning, just go down to the weight room and roll around on the floor for a bit. Instant orange glow. You may feel accomplished with your workout, but most likely you’ll feel as if you’re experiencing your own walk of shame. A sweaty, orange, exhausted walk; really no different than a typical weekend at Fairfield. Remember to stop by the health center for a tetanus shot afterwards!
As the first semester progresses, skinny jeans and black dresses will be traded in for baggy sweatpants and sweatshirts. The Freshman 15 is almost a rite of passage for incoming college students. Consistently consuming the greasy food of Barone is unforgiving. They have an unbelievably good skill that turns even the healthiest things into fatty nightmares. I’ve walked in there and seen things like fried broccoli gracing the platters. The new way they’ve cooked their fries is almost dangerously tasty. Preventing myself from eating only fries at every meal is my hardest challenge when I walk in.
Eating well is just a matter of picking healthy food and then dousing it in sauce. Chicken breasts are high in protein yet totally bland unless smothered in some strong sauce.
For guys, what starts as a fiercely regimented lifestyle of working out at the beginning of the year, quickly collapses into partying four days out of the week. As flab begins to grow, so does denial. No matter how you angle the light and flex, that impressive six-pack you acquired after the summer of landscaping quickly becomes an impressive keg.
Setting aside time out of my schedule that isn’t already assigned to sleeping, homework or eating makes finding time to trek to the gym even more challenging. I can only imagine this becoming more and more difficult as the weather gets colder. Nothing like donning a Himalayan climbing snowsuit to have to trudge through the snow to get to work out in the dungeon. The things we do to look good.
-Sent from my iPhone
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