A She Said wish list can be likened to the wishes of a baby sparrow. Both females and sparrows seem to have an innate attraction to shiny and sparkly objects. This is especially seen in using shiny objects to lure fellow females away from danger in emergency diversion situations. Therefore, wish lists include shiny shoes, shiny new cars, shiny credit cards, trips to the Caribbean to see the shiny sun. Also found on the list are sparkly jewelry, sparkly little purses, and the sparkle of your eyes (preceding the panic when we finally realize that is all the sparkle we will see). The following 12 items are what I wish for in the next coming month.
12 house Glamour Shots wearing matching tennis skirts and cable knit sweaters in the professional Sears Studio with special guest appearances by our friends at the Sandbar. 11 dollars back from my original $600 textbook purchase. 10 final Sodexo meals before break that do not end in indigestion nor double as building materials for artistic creations. (Although it just wouldn’t be Barone without sculptured snowmen mash potatoes.) 9 dupe boys to attend my holiday party and have none of them yell “college,” flip over tables in sudden bouts of rage, or start smearing miscellaneous holiday cookies on their face. 8 homemade music videos that are suddenly discovered by a talent scout, become VH1 instant hits, launching myself and five other fine looking women into the limelight of public opinion, to which we are only too ready to enjoy. 7 pounds I wish to avoid during holiday partying, but as of yet have no commitment to keep consumption to moderate levels. 6 passing grades from the four papers, two exams and one presentation I have due in the next 72 hours. 5 so Co girls to drink holiday martinis with me after the 6 passing grades. 4 more wins for the NY Jets and a marriage proposal from Chad Pennington. 3 successful appeal notifications for assorted noise ordinance and parking infractions. 2 metal shovels so I can, “dig a series of interconnected tunnels like the Vietcong” to attend class when it snows. And 1 decent photograph of myself for the yearbook, preferably one that does not make me look like a giant potato with six-inch-deep dimples and a frightened expression similar to that of a deer in headlights.
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